1. Someone thought this was acceptable – desirable, even. Because why wouldn't you take part of a thousand-year-old culinary tradition and make it look like something drunk wannabe bankers drink at 2am?
"Our chef calls this Shot Glass Traffic Light Spring Rolls." "Is he drunk?" "Yes. Yes, he is." (Pic: @simonpjbest)
2. Or decide that a sink is the way forward. It still has a fucking tap on it.
Breakfast in a sink. With some flags. And a firework. Happy #Thanksgiving
3. This chef appears to be that teenager who snapped his skateboard trying to learn to ollie at the park. He gave up on that dream but found a use for the board.
There's nothing wrong with a wooden cheeseboard. Unless it's a skateboard, sawn in half. (Pic: @lynfelo)
4. Nothing says fine dining like an old pipe. Many nascent restaurants have been felled by an early review bemoaning the lack of "a nice, sewage-y aftertaste" in the food.
Because why wouldn't you want onion rings hanging on salvage from the restaurant's bathroom refit? (Pic: @FSekeleni)
5. A spade is another great signifier of top-quality food. Whenever I try to come up with delicious food options, my first thought is always, Mmm, dirt.
Enjoy your fry-up tomorrow morning, but spare a thought for people who still eat off garden tools. (Pic: @Bassboy73)
6. Alternatively, a bit of concrete. Nothing better.
"And how would you like your steak?" "On a large lump of concrete, please." Said no one. Ever. (Pic: @neilwillley)
7. Time is a flat circle. And so is drinkware.
"You want a can for your can of Coke?" "Erm... it's already in a can." "This can is rustic." (Pic: @SmattStephenson)
8. No one with this rudimentary an understanding of physics should be allowed near knives. Or food of any sort, really. Or crayons, or even a fucking cushion.
Centuries of plate-smashing catches up with Greece as crockery shortage leads to tzatziki/board woe. (Pic: @kewgreen)
9. How do you people even open the door to the kitchen in the morning without knocking yourself unconscious?
Chefs who serve pancakes and syrup on a board with no gutter have clearly never waited tables. (Pic: @gavroche2000)
10. Restaurants should be banned because they are so out of ideas they are serving food on whatever they found in the garden that morning.
Hi yeah could I get mine served on an inexplicable bed of pine needles please
11. These weirdos are using a log.
"The starter lacks something, chef." "Seasoning?" "No." "Garnish?" "No." "Huge log?" "Bingo!" (Pic: @amontonacosas)
12. And they think their customers are dogs. Literally.
Sausage, chips and... other stuff... at Varsity, Warwick. Yes, that is a dog bowl. (Pic: @zoecarrington)
13. They use clipboards. Look at all those juices soaking into what is, at best, slightly thick cardboard.
No tasting menu is complete without some meat on a clipboard. (Pic: @LilMissCakes)
14. There was a conversation about this dish, and they compromised, settling on a fake shoe. That chef definitely wanted it to be a real shoe. "No, Greg, you can't put the potato in a real shoe. Why not? Because you're not fucking 9 any more, Greg."
Of course it does.
15. Stop trying to serve food in shoes.
Squid in a clog. A CLOG. (Pic: @hcbn)
16. OK, sure, sausage and mash in a wineglass is bad. But is it also being served with bread? That's a lot of carbs.
A reminder to all chefs during #BritishSausageWeek: sausage and mash does not belong in a glass. (Pic: @mickmcavoy)
17. No good food has ever been served in a container with that little CE marking on the side.
"Your steak won't be long, we're still trying to force it into a wine bottle." Brunswick, Bournemouth. @WeWantPlates
18. Toast? How did you fuck up toast?
Even toast isn't safe any more. (Pic: @philyourbootz)
19. Or beans on toast. The beans go ON the toast. The clue is in the name.
This, according to No.1 Lounge @Gatwick_Airport, is beans on toast. A difficult concept, granted. (Pic: @HeatherP42)
20. WHY WHY WHY
"A boot, chef?" "Looks good." "Really?" "Tastes better." "Err..." "OK, we can charge more." (Pic: @CherryYoghurt77)
21. Seafood on the top of coral? How delightfully well-themed! The next course is some fish served on the back of a live shark, followed by a some black pudding that you have to bob for in a still-warm bath of cow's blood.
On a positive note, it's been thoroughly washed for around 10,000 years. (Pic: @Finlay_Johnson)
22. Oh.
That is pâté. That is a shoulder bone. That is very, very wrong. (Pic: @TomAllen1000)
23. OH NO.
"Tonight's special is the fish." "What sort of fish?" "A gold one. And we'll need it back." (Pic: @DARRENR6)
24. All this burger needs is a plate, and I don't know why it doesn't have one.
@WeWantPlates oh for fuck sake! This has got to be the worst one since the rocks!
25. I don't know how you would go about eating this.
Lamb chops and potatoes, in a glass, on a slate. A sheep died for this. (Pic: @ellabellalisa)
26. I don't know how this ever happened.
6 olives on individual slates on a paddle with some rosemary. Next level stuff this. @WeWantPlates
27. I don't even know which bit of this is the food.
"Can we have some chips and dips to start, please?" "Of course, madam." *chainsaw buzzes* (Pic: @RachaelHasIdeas)