1.
Wit does miley cyrus actually do at her concerts?She's no released a song in ages n a canny imagine she sings 'the climb' wearin a strap on
2.
Cool if I park here?
3.
Must be shite being a lassie wae nae tits man, like ye have tae put up wae periods, pregnancy etc and for wit? A chest lit a choppin board
4.
Informing the group chat yer gon tae bed
5.
White cunts have got a fuckin cheek judgin Muslims for Isis, remember we're tae blame for goths
6.
When yer maw tells you yer no gawn oot n yer just lit
7.
Pure love it when folk give their pets people names. Is there anything funnier than a dog called Ian
8.
'Mate I can't come I finish work at 11, and need a change of clothes' bullshit just come
9.
You ever been singing a song then some bam joins in, the fuck mate didn't realise we were filming high school musical 4, simmer down
10.
It's no a real crocodile hen x
11.
maw n da have just got back fae holiday, divorced. turns oot ma da winched a bird in a club hahahahahaha
12.
13.
It's funny how all the trust goes out the window when the remote is lost 😂 - "are you sat on the remote?" No. "Stand up for a second then"
14.
Just looked on ma dads phone and the conversation he had with ma brother when I had someone over 😂
15.
Snapchat can gtf with pouring rainbows from people's tongues bring back bestfriends so we know who's shaggin n who's cheatin on their bf
16.
How stupid do a have tae be to set a password, forget it and then find out my password hint is this..
17.
It's weird as fuck how "xxx" went from being "a fancy fuck outta u" to "haha am being a sarcastic wee cunt lol" without anyone actual saying
18.
8am on a Sunday morning and I've superglued ma hand to ma arse for £50. #supersundays
19.
see when I put the money in the till and a customers like 'wait I have the 25p' Can u not? cause now I have no clue what I'm doing love
20.
My day in 4 pictures
21.
Is there anythin sexier than guys playin football in pourin rain naw there isnae, bang wan in the tap corner then slide tackle intae ma bed
22.
No fucking chance😂
23.
My maw gets so jel when I do anything fun like no my fault I'm oot snorting lines n shaggin nines and you have to stay home n bake a lasagne
24.
Asked ma dad for roasted cheese and av recieved borderline child abuse
25.
dug shagged ma leg today so tae confuse hings I just started shagging it back. aye that's right pakora toes, no funny when it happens tae u.
26.
sudocrem acc fixes everythin wee bita acne??? sudocrem! broke yer leg? put some sudocrem on it!!! yer boyfs cheatin on ye? sudocrem the cunt
27.
28.
PLEASE SHARE: if this is marked on your house it means thieves are going to steal yer da for illegal "Da fighting"
29.
Asked ma maw to buy pot noodles n she's bought these,ye could've saved yersel the 39p n just telt me ye didny love me
30.
Kylie Jenner gets a £320k Ferrari for her 18th and a got a hibs calendar with 3 months missing cause my dad had nae skins for his hash #life
31.
am so bad at ma job as a security guard that a fucking gang ae cows have now broke in tae this construction site
32.
Why do folk only give their babies weight when its born. Never see fb statuses sayin "thats ma Nathan 21 the day canny believe hes 15 stone"
33.
Didn't turn oot the way I wanted it too
34.
So shite wen ur with 2 of ur mates n they start talking about a time wen u weren't there n ur just walking along like that's a nice house xx
35.
Fuck sake mum that's hardly a scarecrow, ad probably pump her
36.
a mind when Will smith came on the stage at T wi calvin harris a didny wanty say nuhin to anycunt incase a wis trippin
37.
Ladies and gentleman I give you @LewisSimpsonrfc