The 20 Hottest Male Celebs According To 17-Year-Old Me

In 2003 I took to LiveJournal to rank my favorite hotties. posted on

This is my contribution to What’s Something Awesome You Made When You Were a Kid? (Assuming 17 still counts as a kid. It does, right?)

In November of 2003, there was a LiveJournal hotness ranking meme: the goal was to pick 20 of your crushes and rank them according to sex appeal. Before you judge my list, keep in mind that it was 2003. And that, as my friend Anna noted at the time, my taste is “whack.”

20. Shia LaBeouf

Miramax Films

This was pre-Transformers. I was weirdly obsessed with Project Greenlight and The Battle of Shaker Heights.

19. Peter Krause

HBO

I wasn’t really watching Six Feet Under, but I had leftover feelings from Sports Night.

18. Mo Rocca

I loved I Love the ’80s. More importantly, I loved the men of I Love the ’80s.

17. Jake Epstein

CTV

Who wouldn’t swoon over Degrassi: The Next Generation’s Craig Manning.

16. Jimmy Fallon

NBC

Yeah, he was hilarious on Saturday Night Live, but did you know he also had an album that I bought and listened to a lot?

15. Michael Ian Black

VH1

See above re: Mo Rocca.

14. Adam Pascal

Would you light my candle, Adam?

13. Adamo Ruggiero

CTV

You better believe I was in love with the actor playing the gay character on my favorite Canadian melodrama. Yes, dumb hair and all.

12. Chris Carrabba

I was listening to Dashboard Confessional constantly at the time. And all I wanted was for Chris to want me. For Chris to need me. For Chris to nooooootice me.

11. Chris Pratt

Warner Bros.

Before Zero Dark Thirty. Before Parks and Recreation. It was all about Everwood.

10. Adam Brody

FOX

Weirdly, I wasn’t even watching The O.C. I just knew I loved Seth Cohen.

9. Kieran Culkin

United Artists

I saw Igby Goes Down on my 16th birthday. It left an impression.

8. Tom Lenk

20th Century Fox

I mean, duh. He was the closest thing Buffy the Vampire Slayer had to a gay character.

7. Rodrigo Santoro

Universal Pictures

It was 2003. Love Actually was big. Weren’t we all a little bit in love with Rodrigo Santoro?

6. Ethan Hawke

Miramax Films

I was very into his Hamlet. And thus began an unfortunate obsession with jerks in douchey sunglasses.

5. Jason Lee

Remember Heartbreakers? What a movie! This was also during my Kevin Smith phase.

4. Cillian Murphy

Fox Searchlight Pictures

28 Days Later: seriously scary, surprisingly sexy.

3. Nicholas Brendon

20th Century Fox

Really, though, I just wanted to be Xander.

2. Jake Gyllenhaal

Newmarket Films

Listen. It was 2003. You thought Donnie Darko was the greatest movie of all time, too.

1. Ian Somerhalder

Lions Gate Entertainment

Rules of Attraction was my sexual awakening. The dance in front of the mirror. The dance on the bed. The Ian Somerhalder-James van der Beek makeout scene. There went the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality. Good riddance.

In the interest of fairness, I also ranked the 20 hottest women. It was mostly just the celebrities I wanted to hang out with: Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson (hello, Ghost World), Jena Malone (Donnie Darko again), and yes, Daria.

20. Daria Morgendorffer
19. Emily Van Camp
18. Marguerite Moreau
17. Christina Ricci
16. Emma Caulfield
15. Charisma Carpenter
14. Allison Mack
13. Penelope Cruz
12. Thora Birch
11. Claire Danes
10. Alyson Hannigan
9. Neve Campbell
8. Parker Posey
7. Evan Rachel Wood
6. Clea DuVall
5. Julie Benz
4. Jena Malone
3. Joey Lauren Adams
2. Keira Knightley
1. Scarlett Johansson

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