Here’s the new poster for “Scary Movie V.”
1. OK, just a few questions.
1. Is Ted the Bear smoking weed? How is that a parody? He smoked weed in Ted.
2. Is Katrina Bowden’s tongue a Fuit Roll-Up? It’s definitely not a tongue.
3. Speaking of, is Katrina going to stay put or will she randomly vanish like Cerie on 30 Rock?
4. If Ashley Tisdale is sitting sideways, why is her head facing forward like that? Oh my God, is she possessed?
5. Why does Mike Tyson get to have an acting career?
6. Who is tweaking Mike Tyson’s nipple? (Mystery solved — it’s Mike Tyson.)
7. Where the hell is Lindsay Lohan?
8. Is Charlie Sheen doing the popcorn trick, and if so, why is he sitting next to young children? Upsetting.
9. If Katt Williams’ bible says “I put the sin in sinister,” do you think he’s fun at church?
10. Do any of these people know they’re part of a terrible franchise?
11. What outdated movie monster parody is pulling everyone in for a hug?
12. SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS LINDSAY.
Scary Movie 5 hits theaters April 19.
- Greece will decide on Sunday whether they will accept austerity measures as a condition of a bailout that may stave off an imminent financial and economic crisis.
- Some 150 migrants stranded in the French city of Calais stormed the Channel Tunnel in an attempt to make it to British territory.
- It took a while, but an English national soccer team has finally defeated Germany in a major tournament. England took third place with a 1-0 win over the top-ranked German team in the FIFA Women's World Cup ⚽️
- Chile defeated Argentina on penalties to win the Copa America tournament. It's the first ever trophy for Chile in the 99 years of the Copa ⚽️