Here’s the new poster for “Scary Movie V.”
1. OK, just a few questions.
1. Is Ted the Bear smoking weed? How is that a parody? He smoked weed in Ted.
2. Is Katrina Bowden’s tongue a Fuit Roll-Up? It’s definitely not a tongue.
3. Speaking of, is Katrina going to stay put or will she randomly vanish like Cerie on 30 Rock?
4. If Ashley Tisdale is sitting sideways, why is her head facing forward like that? Oh my God, is she possessed?
5. Why does Mike Tyson get to have an acting career?
6. Who is tweaking Mike Tyson’s nipple? (Mystery solved — it’s Mike Tyson.)
7. Where the hell is Lindsay Lohan?
8. Is Charlie Sheen doing the popcorn trick, and if so, why is he sitting next to young children? Upsetting.
9. If Katt Williams’ bible says “I put the sin in sinister,” do you think he’s fun at church?
10. Do any of these people know they’re part of a terrible franchise?
11. What outdated movie monster parody is pulling everyone in for a hug?
12. SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS LINDSAY.
Scary Movie 5 hits theaters April 19.
- Fox News has announced the 10 Republican candidates who will participate in the first debate of the 2016 U.S. presidential race on Thursday.
- The World Health Organization says new cases of Ebola in Sierra Leone and Guinea hit the lowest point in more than a year last week.
- Super Typhoon Soudelor, the strongest storm of 2015 so far, is threatening parts of Asia after hitting the Pacific island Saipan.