Do stretch marks count as food tattoos?

“Demand for whiskey is increasing at an astonishing rate.” Where the hell is this demand coming from?

Choke yourself with some beads, please.

Finally, I can put down the morning crack pipe.

#9 That must have taken a lot of Jell-O

This is impressive. Our rescue dog, Bella, is missing a leg and she somehow loses her balance at times and falls over. But this cat…this cat is straight pimp. Hop on, little man, hop on.

#11 WTF? Is it just me that had conservative parents that didn’t really drink too much?

Can someone put an eye patch on the middle eye? Arrg

I grew up in Port Arthur, Texas. Great list, especially the home coming corsages (aka the giant mums with ribbons, bells, and trinkets) because when I moved to St. Louis I was shocked to find that people don’t take homecoming as serious as we did in Texas. Also…boudin kolaches. Nuff said.

#1 That tongue…is that normal?

This, sadly, just is not always an option. There are many reasons why people can’t take off for a cold. My own experience of working for crappy nonprofits was for them to claim they never can afford to be without someone for the day.  Also, I tried to call out at a nonprofit once when I was pregnant (for 1 day-no prior days called off) and was told I wouldn’t be allowed to use my sick time for a while because my boss was “sick of her staff calling out.” Yep, asshole bosses and businesses that promote intimidation towards people taking off work really do exist. If you have never experienced this hell please try to at least imagine that not all businesses are ethically up to speed with where they should be. In at-will states there is little power an employee has to demand taking a sick day when they need to.
Fucking ‘Murica, man.

Hilarious!

Took the words right out of my mouth

And what if this person was not attractive before or after? It just kind of seems more sympathy is always given to people who are physically attractive. I’ve known plenty of men who felt they were women and yearned for a sexual reassignment surgery. Unfortunately, there was a lot less support when they were very heavy or less attractive. That’s the real change we need to be making. Support people for what they need regardless of if they are pretty to look at or not. Just say’n.

This

Well, after all that wine I’m sure these ladies were pooped.  See what I did there?

In Russia, Russia look up self.

#7 Made me squirt happy tears!

Fuck yeah puppies!