Elvish Sex Toy Gains FDA Approval

The EargasmTM was originally developed by Middle-Earthian scientist Puck Elrond as a hearing aid for hearing impaired elves and dwarfs but the device’s ability to amplify the cry of the Nazgûl has been largerly eclispsed by its more sensual capabilities. Lenny ‘Legless’ Legolas (481) remembers how, in the throes of senility, he accidentally thought his EargasmTM hearing aid was his deceased wife Gladysriel and retired with ‘her’ to the bedroom. “I’ve never felt more alive”, says Lenny who has struggled with Erectile Dysfunction for more than 100 years. “It was like being (Cele)born again.” Heralded as ‘not just another Elven Orifice’ by ORC Magazine, the EargasmTM has helped millions of elves, dwarves, hobbits and even trolls put the fire back into Mount Doom. Elrond, who also invented the FrodomTM (a prophylactic for the unexpectedly endowed), says “The EargasmTM is a healthy adjunct to any struggling union between elves, men, beasts etc. From Sauron’s mouth to your Ears”

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