The 33 Worst Things That Could Happen On Valentine’s Day


1. You could not just get crabs… you could get ALL of the crabs.

2. You could find out the person you’re dating is in fact a monster.

3. The custom cake you ordered for your sweetie could come back like this:

4. Or worse, someone could give you this cake:

5. Your groceries could suddenly get romantic.

6. Or this could be your significant other’s idea of a romantic meal:

7. You could get this e-card.

8. You could be forced to watch this movie.

9. This is the single most depressing thing of all time.

10. Your canceled plans might not actually be for a “good” reason.

11. Your mom could also be trolling Facebook on V-Day.

12. You could get the V-Day present Dick picked out.

13. You could open a box of chocolates only to find your S.O. decided to make sure they weren’t poisoned.

14. All of this equals complete misery.

15. Someone could try to cheer you up about being single with this atrocity.

16. You could be reminded of your S.O.’s imminent death.

17. Someone could think this was a great V-Day gift.

18. Your secret admirer could turn out to be someone else’s.

19. Your Valentine could turn out to be a psycho.

20. You could be dating this Shakespeare.

*Actually, call me. I love this.

21. You could take a huge risk…and fall flat on your face.

22. You could be your own valentine.

23. You could be the fine bitch who is the recipient of this gift.

24. You could spend a gagillion hours on hold with 1-800-Flowers…

25. And find your efforts didn’t pay off in the slightest.

26. You could eat at the fine dining establishment this sick individual works at.

27. You could be this cat standing in as a poor replacement for true love.

28. You could have diarrhea.

30. Your manfriend could take the suggestion of sexy underwear to a strange place. (Do they come off before sex?)

31. You could be lacking in basic necessities with zero recourse.

32. You could get a not-so-subtle message to clean the house.

33. Your Valentine this year could be your new venereal disease!


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Deputy Editorial Director, Cat Wrangler
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