The 33 Worst Things That Could Happen On Valentine’s Day


1. You could not just get crabs… you could get ALL of the crabs.

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2. You could find out the person you’re dating is in fact a monster.

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3. The custom cake you ordered for your sweetie could come back like this:

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4. Or worse, someone could give you this cake:

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5. Your groceries could suddenly get romantic.

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6. Or this could be your significant other’s idea of a romantic meal:

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7. You could get this e-card.

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8. You could be forced to watch this movie.

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9. This is the single most depressing thing of all time.

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10. Your canceled plans might not actually be for a “good” reason.

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11. Your mom could also be trolling Facebook on V-Day.

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12. You could get the V-Day present Dick picked out.

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13. You could open a box of chocolates only to find your S.O. decided to make sure they weren’t poisoned.

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14. All of this equals complete misery.

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15. Someone could try to cheer you up about being single with this atrocity.

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16. You could be reminded of your S.O.’s imminent death.

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17. Someone could think this was a great V-Day gift.

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18. Your secret admirer could turn out to be someone else’s.

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19. Your Valentine could turn out to be a psycho.

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20. You could be dating this Shakespeare.

*Actually, call me. I love this.

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21. You could take a huge risk…and fall flat on your face.

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22. You could be your own valentine.

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23. You could be the fine bitch who is the recipient of this gift.

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24. You could spend a gagillion hours on hold with 1-800-Flowers…

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25. And find your efforts didn’t pay off in the slightest.

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26. You could eat at the fine dining establishment this sick individual works at.

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27. You could be this cat standing in as a poor replacement for true love.

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28. You could have diarrhea.

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29. You could see this.

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30. Your manfriend could take the suggestion of sexy underwear to a strange place. (Do they come off before sex?)

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31. You could be lacking in basic necessities with zero recourse.

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32. You could get a not-so-subtle message to clean the house.

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33. Your Valentine this year could be your new venereal disease!


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