1. You could not just get crabs… you could get ALL of the crabs.
2. You could find out the person you’re dating is in fact a monster.
3. The custom cake you ordered for your sweetie could come back like this:
6. Or this could be your significant other’s idea of a romantic meal:
9. This is the single most depressing thing of all time.
10. Your canceled plans might not actually be for a “good” reason.
13. You could open a box of chocolates only to find your S.O. decided to make sure they weren’t poisoned.
15. Someone could try to cheer you up about being single with this atrocity.
16. You could be reminded of your S.O.’s imminent death.
17. Someone could think this was a great V-Day gift.
18. Your secret admirer could turn out to be someone else’s.
20. You could be dating this Shakespeare.
*Actually, call me. I love this.
21. You could take a huge risk…and fall flat on your face.
23. You could be the fine bitch who is the recipient of this gift.
24. You could spend a gagillion hours on hold with 1-800-Flowers…
26. You could eat at the fine dining establishment this sick individual works at.
27. You could be this cat standing in as a poor replacement for true love.
30. Your manfriend could take the suggestion of sexy underwear to a strange place. (Do they come off before sex?)
31. You could be lacking in basic necessities with zero recourse.
32. You could get a not-so-subtle message to clean the house.
- At least three people – including a police officer – died in a shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. The suspect is in police custody. ›
- At least 15 people were killed after a suicide bomber attacked a Shiite Muslim procession of hundreds of people in Nigeria. ›
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz. ›