1. Instead of being jealous of your best friend’s new shoes, you’re insanely jealous of her new Dyson vacuum cleaner.
2. You’re obsessed with LearnVest. Only 22 more months until you pay off your credit card debt!
For those of you who don’t know, LearnVest is a wondrous money management tool for ladies.
4. You’re obsessed with owning a house and spend your spare time looking at real estate porn.
5. You understand that it’s just a dick move to show up empty-handed to a party. BFFs, colleagues, new acquaintances — they all get a goddamned bottle of wine.
7. You are sooOOOOoooOOOOO not into being called a Millennial anymore.
8. When you go to Sephora, you spend wayyyy too much of your time and paycheck in the skincare section.
9. On your list of Topics I Frequently Bitch About: Your insane dry cleaning bills.
Because you’re keeping your work wardrobe fresh and clean.