1. Surge soda. Because it wasn’t enough that you were already a hormonally driven adolescent…you also needed green sugar highs.
2. Bra strap headbands. You thought bras were SO COOL. Your mom, however, didn’t appreciate you so openly displaying something associated with your breasts.
3. Tom Green. Adults just did not appreciate his puerile genius.
4. Baggy pants oh god baggy pants. And they didn’t just hate them on you, they hated them on ALL THE YOUTHS.
6. Urban Outfitters. Or even worse…taking you shopping at Urban Outfitters. With trance music playing.
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8. That belly button piercing you got in high school and the butterfly charm from Claire’s that accompanied it.
9. And tongue piercings. Were you trying to send your mother to an early grave?
10. Laser pointers. Which you used to terrorize any unsuspecting cat, dog, or human.
11. One-strapping your backpack. Because YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK YOUR BACK THAT WAY.
12. Pacifier necklaces. Because your parents felt they infantilized you in a porn-y way.
14. These electronic keychains that made alarm noises. Did yours “disappear mysteriously” also?
15. The Yak Bak. Which you bought with your own allowance money to fill the void in your soul put there by your missing Executor keychain. Oh, revenge is sweet.
16. Hearing you beg for an expensive pair of Air Jordans. When they finally gave in, and you outgrew them six month later, you never heard the end of it.
17. The Real World. “If I catch you watching those ‘party animals’ one more time…”
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