1. You know your friends won’t do anything special — like a surprise party — for your birthday.
Because if they will, they’re saving it for next year. THE BIG 3-0. Like, what do you even do on such a dumb birthday?
2. And now you feel like you need to do all those things you thought you’d do “before I turn 30.” Like publish that novel.
3. If you’re really ambitious, you know you have to do it fast if you ever want to be one of those “30 under 30” people.
Gonna start. Just after I watch this episode of Orange Is the New Black. Then I’m really going to get moving.
4. You suddenly realize you’re now in your “late twenties.”
Because for some reason, 28 wasn’t “late twenties” and certainly not for 27. Apparently “late twenties” is only one year = 29.
5. You get irritated when people begin lumping you into the thirtysomething crowd because YOU ARE NOT YET 30. Got it?!
There is still a 2 in there.
6. You feel like this is the last acceptable age to have NOT ONE CLUE about how to manage your money or save.
For no reason at all, you think that all people who are 30 have started a 401(k) or whatever.
7. You’re really starting to look at people in their early twenties and realize how different you are.
Like, they also claim to be children of the ’90s but all of their references come from Harry Potter?
8. You keep reminding yourself, “This is as good as it’s gonna get.” (Even though you’ve maybe been saying this for a few years.)
But somehow you now believe it. Twenty-nine is the year I need to share my hotness with the world!
9. You feel like you are one tiny step away from people taking you seriously.
Which is both good and frustrating.
10. But you also feel like you’re one step away from saggy boobs.
11. You decide you don’t *really* need to take vitamins yet, because you’re not at “that age.”
We shall meet again, Sir Centrum. Next year.
12. You look at celebs over 30 and realize you could have gone to high school with them.
But there’s still a weird barrier. You do not see them as peers yet.
13. You’re tired of people telling you not to worry about turning 30: “30 is young!”
14. You’re pretty much convinced that 29 will be the most boring year. Nothing big happens at 29.
(At least, that’s how you feel.)