16. Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
When you think about it, Ariel isn’t too bright. She’ll believe anything anyone tells her. We also have to assume she’s illiterate because wouldn’t it solve a lot of problems if she could write notes to Prince Eric to explain the whole deal?
14. Alice (Alice in Wonderland)
When you full-out admit that you “give yourself very good advice but I very seldom follow it,” it’s kind of an acknowledgement that you’re useless.
13. Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Sleeping Beauty is kind of equivalent to the child who puts his finger in a socket when expressly told not to. How about just not touching the spindle? But can you really blame her for being so naïve when she was homeschooled by three incredibly scatterbrained fairies?
Cinderella would have made a great CEO of an internet startup — she doesn’t know much about anything, but she certainly has people skills. If Cinderella were really smart, though, she would have left her Evil Stepmother ages ago, or at least gotten a lawyer to reclaim her family’s money.
11. Jasmine (Aladdin)
Chances are, as royalty, she received an amazing education. Unfortunately it doesn’t really show. And plus, the cards are stacked against her for having led such a sheltered life. You can’t just take apples. Did your tutor not cover basic economics?
10. Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
Esmeralda gets points for being pretty well-versed in combat and will stand up for justice — all that requires a clear and analytical mind. But she also believes in palm reading and we all know that’s a hunk of baloney.
9. Megara (Hercules)
Meg gets points for being sharp and witty, but her association with the bad guy (Hades) shows a real lack in judgement.
8. Rapunzel (Tangled)
This girl has so much time on her hands that she’s become proficient in everything — art, music, cooking, you name it. It would also appear that she reads, like, six books a day. But the girl lacks some serious real-world skills. Like mistaking a tiara for a bracelet.
7. Tinkerbell (Peter Pan)
Tinkerbell may be one jealous bitch, but she’s also kind of a manipulative genius.
This sassy feline tends to know what’s right and asks for credit when credit is due for her ideas. She also knows what’s best for the good of the people, and gets Simba to come back to the pride to take his place as king.
5. Kida (Atlantis)
She speaks several languages and is fully versed in badass combat, so already she can do more things than you on any given day of the week. She also eventually becomes a ruler, so, kind of like a lady president.
Mulan possesses some amazing tactical skills and analytical thinking, so her mind ranks fairly well among her other Disney contemporaries. She lacks in conceptual thinking, however, because keeping up a ruse — like pretending you’re a man — never goes as planned.
She can survive in nature. She transcends racial boundaries. She’s also got this kind of eerie ability to just know stuff and understand the world. She should really start a religion. I’d sign up.
2. Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
This girl reads. A lot.
1. Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)
Tiana is a career-driven young woman, which means that she a) understands how to run a business, and b) recognizes that she has to be at the top of her game. Yes, she’s a culinary genius, but she’s also clever and has an uncanny ability to outsmart others.