1. I shouldn't be on Facebook right now.
2. This is stupid.
3. Oh my god, they're dating now??? No one saw that coming.
4. I can't believe that status got 35 likes.
5. Did people even read it?
6. Gross.
7. OMG, can people chill on the motivational quotes?
8. Weird, that's a baby.
9. Who posted this?
10. Oh god, it was Jen.
11. She's one of them now.
12. Where was this even taken?
13. Am I the only person who realizes that babies actually look like potatoes?
14. Not that there's anything wrong with potatoes.
15. Who doesn't like french fries, right?
16. But I'm not trying to get my french fry fix while looking at baby pics.
17. Is this baby drooling?
18. This picture has SO MANY LIKES.
19. And even more comments.
20. This person commented only to talk about her OWN baby. People.
21. Leslie is HELLA popular on social media now.
22. Maybe I should start uploading pictures of babies.
23. But that would mean hanging out with one, scratch that idea.
24. Oh my god she has a WHOLE album.
25. All of these pictures are literally the same.
26. How does she have any storage left on her phone?
27. Did she have to delete extra apps to make more room?
28. No WAY I'm getting rid of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.
29. Were these all taken on the same day?
30. Is that what being a parent is like?
31. Wait, is her profile picture a baby pic too?
32. Leslie, where are you?
33. I wonder how long this has been going on.
34. IS THIS STATUS SERIOUSLY ABOUT A DIRTY DIAPER?
35. Retreat, retreat, retreat. Get me out of here.
36. Am I going crazy or is every single picture on my timeline of babies right now???
37. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS??
38. Where are the sloppy drunk pictures with red cups and regrets???
39. Where are the political statuses with no basis in fact????
40. WHERE ARE THE "TMI" STATUSES I SCREENSHOT AND SEND TO ALL MY FRIENDS???
41. CAN I GET A DAMN SONG LYRIC TO SAVE MY LIFE??
42. Should I be having babies?
43. Is there something wrong with me?
44. Oh shit, I have to get off of here it's like 2 a.m.
45. But first I have to find out how to make three ingredient banana pancakes.
