1. Why schedule my appointment for this time if you’re not ready?
2. Should I look at my phone again?
3. Maybe I should pretend to be deep in thought.
4. What are they even doing back there?
5. This place looks like an OK place to work.
6. Wait, are there any snacks?
7. I hope my breath smells OK.
8. Should I go for the handshake?
9. I hope my palms aren’t sweaty.
10. Why are my armpits sweating?
11. Oh shit, I hear footsteps.
12. I hope that handshake wasn’t too weak.
13. I wonder if my palms were noticeably sweaty.
14. Should I wait for an invite to sit down?
15. IS MY PHONE ON SILENT?
16. Don’t look around. Don’t look around. Hold eye contact.
17. Should I try to make a joke?
18. Well, at least I think I’m funny…
19. Wait, you want me to tell you what’s on my résumé?
20. Isn’t it, like, in your hand?
21. What was the point of me spending three hours on that?
22. Oh, perfect, ask me about the ONE job that is hard to explain.
23. Did I really just say what I think I said?
24. Why did you just look at my teeth? DO I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY TEETH?!
25. Did they google these questions beforehand?
26. So, is that all?
27. Am I supposed to conduct the rest of this interview?
28. Should I ask about money? Oh god. It’s going to come out.
29. So, does that mean I can afford groceries or not?
30. This is so awkward.
31. DON’T RAISE YOUR ARMS. YOUR ARMPITS ARE TOTALLY SWEATING.
32. Wait, did you just say you’re interviewing several people?
33. I feel like you should just hire me…
34. Pretending to have my shit together is exhausting.
35. Omg I think it’s over.
36. Oh, you’ll “let me know if you decide to move forward.” Sounds promising.
37. Did I just say “you too” in response to thanks for coming in?
38. Why do I even talk?
39. Thank goodness that’s over.
40. Sweatpants, here I come.