1. People will be very confused when you refer to it as “pop” and not soda.
2. Not everyone outside the Midwest who asks how you are doing actually cares about the answer.
“How are you doing today?”
:: walks away ::
3. You will have to be the force that enlightens everyone about the glory of Steak ‘n’ Shake.
Repeat after me: side. by. side. milkshakes.
4. And you won’t be able to find Maid-Rite anywhere.
Life can be so unfair.
5. No one will really understand why you worship Ranch dressing.
It’s not JUST a dressing.
6. And people will think cheese is just a “snack.”
UM, IT’S LITERALLY A MAIN FOOD GROUP. And also a fandom.
7. When it snows, you will probably be the only person who does not lose their mind.
“There’s 1/2 an inch, should we shut down the city?!?!?” — everyone else
8. You might try to bring up the beauty that is Portillo’s only for people to think you’re saying “potatoes” wrong.
9. And if you try to start a game of Padiddle, people will question your sanity.
No, I swear, it’s like, really fun. We played all the time!!!!!
10. You’ll try to plan a day on the lake only to realize that the closest one is hours away.
11. You might search the rest of your life to try and find something that satisfies you the way Culver’s does.
12. Unfortunately, not everyone shares the idea of “Midwest hospitality.”
13. People won’t know what corn hole is and definitely will not want to play with you.
“You just…throw bags around…?”
YOU DON’T GET IT.
14. You’ll make puppy chow and someone will try to feed it to a dog.
You are a MONSTER.
15. You’ll search for housing and see the prices and conclude that it has to be a big joke.
LOL $1400 for a studio? HILARIOUS!!!!
16. You will actually start to *miss* not knowing what the weather is going to be like every single day.
’90s today, snow tomorrow, only in the Midwest
17. You’ll look at your arms and legs during the summer and realize how bare they look without mosquito bites.
18. People will joke about how boring the Midwest is, and you’ll find yourself getting defensive.
Only *I* can call it boring.
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