1. “How’s the job search going?”
Please stop talking.
2. “You might have to move back in with your parents.”
This thought crosses my mind every single day without your help.
3. “Time to start acting like an adult.”
Wait, how? Is there some sort of handout for this adult thing?
4. “College is the best time of your life. Don’t ever leave.”
College is great and all but I’m not trying to be an eighth-year senior. Gotta leave sometime.
5. “Bet you wish you had majored in something else, huh?”
6. “Good luck, you need it with this economy.”
You’re a ray of sunshine.
7. “You know… you can’t take naps in the real world.”
Cool. Gonna go ahead and take seven this week then, just in case.
8. “How much money will you be making?”
Hopefully enough to buy groceries, but that’s looking questionable.
9. “Have you found a job yet?”
If I had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
10. “Your sister/brother had a job offer by this time.”
Well isn’t that just GREAT.
11. “Postpone graduation as long as you can.”
I’m not sure you understand how time works…
12. “You aren’t supposed to love your job. It’s a job.”
13. “Are you worried about staying in touch with your friends?”
Well I wasn’t…
14. “Make sure you clean up your social media presence.”
You mean I shouldn’t post pictures of my keg stands on Facebook? OH OK.
15. “Soon you’ll be buying us dinner, young professional!”
I’ll get back to you when I manage to find a job.
16. “Have you thought about deferring your loans? Might be a good idea.”
I haven’t even graduated yet. Can you not?
17. “Enjoy your last spring break EVER.”
I hate you.
18. “Make your résumé interesting!”
HOW? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
19. “When are you settling down/getting married?”
You’re giving me hives.
20. “Time to start planning for your future. Have you thought about a retirement fund?”
…No. I haven’t even thought about the day after graduation yet.
21. “How will ___ feel about that decision?”
I don’t know, or care. My life, right?
22. “You know that doesn’t pay well, right?”
If you could find a job that pays well that I am qualified for… I’m ALL EARS!
23. “It doesn’t matter what you know, just who.”
Are you saying that the last four years of my life were a waste of time?
24. “Maybe you should think about grad school a little more.”
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
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