Lies We’re Told When Searching For Jobs

I think I’ll just go back to college.

1. “We’ll be sure to keep your resume on hand for future opportunities!”

No you won’t. You deleted this email thread 5 seconds after you sent this email. You emptied my resume into your trash bin and quoted parts of my cover letter to your employees over lunch to make them laugh.

2. “A lot of people are in the same position as you are!”

I believed you until I turned on the TV and saw all the teenagers in the commercials for the upcoming winter olympics. TEENAGERS.

3. “No one expects you to have your life together!”

Yes they do.

4. “We really value all of our applicants and take time to observe each letter and resume carefully!”

No you don’t.

5. “This is just opening the path for something better to come along!”

If by better you mean deferring student loans and picking up applications from Starbucks and Subway…then yes.

6. “We had so many candidates- it was a TOUGH decision.”

You knew who you were going to hire when you interviewed me.

7. “We’ve all been in your situation before.”

You started with this company as an intern during your senior year…

8. “We’ll make a decision soon and let you know!”

It’s been 6 months…

9. “We encourage to reapply!”

When I emailed you several months later about another position you never replied…

10. “This position has been cancelled.”

Oh.

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