10 Things That Happen After You Graduate College

This is nothing like the Real World: San Diego.

1. 1) You will tell someone that you just graduated and they will ask where you’re planning on going to college. No…like, I just graduated college. “Oh…”

2. 2) You will find yourself looking at pictures from yourself freshman year and wonder what the hell happened. Also, you will wonder why you wore your lanyard around your neck for a solid 3 months before wising up.

3. 3) You will have to answer this question at least 5 times a week—- “So what’s your plan now?”

4. 4) People will ask you what degree you graduated with and nothing you say will ever be the correct answer. Just say you graduated with debt…then walk away.

5. 5) People will constantly ask you if you’re dating someone. And if you ARE dating someone they will ask when you’re planning on getting engaged.

6. 6) People will tell you how much you will miss college. Duh. You already miss college. You missed college when you were still in college. You aren’t helping me out by reminding us how dreadful real life is.

7. 7) Your university will start calling you for money. You will save their number as the contact “NEVER ANSWER.”

8. 8) Prospective jobs will basically offer the most insulting salary + benefits ever knowing that you will take it because it’s not like there’s a ton of jobs around.

9. 9) You will stop going out because your college I.D. is expired and the bouncers are starting to notice. “Ummm, says here this expired in 2012….” And you sure as hell aren’t paying COVER.

10. 10) Your first paycheck will seem like so much freaking money…until you open your bills. The insurance company is basically laughing in your face while you slowly write check after check with silent tears.

11. And finally… you may or may not find yourself stalking the new freshman tweeting about their first week of college laughing to yourself as you think about they have no idea what they’re in for.

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