1. That you will forget to move your car for street cleaning.
Or will misread the parkings signs. Or forget to turn your wheels in the right direction.
2. That a digital billboard will be put up anywhere near your apartment windows.
Or your dream apartment is anywhere near the Samsung building.
3. That President Obama will come to visit L.A., making it impossible to get anywhere.
Even worse, when you don’t hear about it until the day of.
9. That when The Big One does hit, you’ll be stuck hiding under your crappy IKEA furniture.
10. That a pothole on a major road will take your car out.
12. That what you thought was the marine layer is actually just smog.
13. Public transportation.
Especially if you don’t know how to use it.
14. Scientology complexes as large as hospitals.
15. Driving on the highway during an earthquake.
16. When a police helicopter shines down its spotlight…in YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
17. That some jerk could toss a cigarette from his car and Los Angeles could burn to the ground.
18. That you will be more than 10 minutes late to a movie at the Arclight, and won’t be allowed in.
Especially if it’s the last showing of the movie in the dome, UGHGHGUGH.
19. Being en route to somewhere, and you suddenly hear about a Sig Alert on the radio.
20. DUI checkpoints after a drinks meeting.
Just use Uber, guys!
21. That you might be forced to go to your friend’s terrible comedy/sketch/improv show.
22. That you might be one mudslide away from falling to your doom.
Gotta love that Mullholland.
23. That your boss will go on a juice cleanse, and you will have to deal with their hanger.
That’s hungry anger.
24. That the factory on the beach you always go to will give you cancer.
25. That a street sign will have so much graffiti on it that you won’t be able to read it.
27. That you are in constant danger of having your car broken into.
28. That, in the absence of bike lanes, you are in constant danger of pancaking a cyclist.
29. That you’ll need to be anywhere on the westside after they close down WeHo for the Halloween parade.
That goes double for movie premieres in Hollywood.