1. Any menu that is longer than one page is going to give you nightmares.
“Fries, sweet potato fries, salad, onion rings, or fruit?” —The question you will be asked over and over again, in hell.
2. And deciding what to make for dinner is a nightly struggle.
This goes double if you have to decide with your significant other.
3. Getting invited to two things at the exact same time can ruin your whole weekend.
4. And you have definitely tried to half-ass two things at once just so you wouldn’t have to commit to doing one.
And it probably went totally great.
5. Netflix = The thing that makes you waste more time deciding between 46 different options than actually watching one thing.
6. You don’t have a closet full of clothes, you have a closet full of potential decisions that will eventually make you late.
And you can just forget knowing what to wear on a date, that is a mystery for the ages.
7. Responsible you and YOLO you regularly fight each other whenever you’re at the grocery store.
You are the guy who stands in the cereal aisle for a good five minutes.
8. You have definitely stood at the store trying to decide what to get for so long, that you finally just quit and went home.
Even if you went to the store SPECIFICALLY to buy something.
9. Even if you get a brilliant idea, there is a good chance that you might immediately abandon it.
10. And you can’t make a decision without asking five other people their opinions first.
And good luck if everyone has different advice!
11. You’ve made some… interesting choices while under pressure.
12. You always panicked a little when it was your turn at the ice cream truck.
13. When someone asks you to pick your favorite movie, book, or TV show, the best you can do is list your 25 favorites. Of each.
14. You really wish that Google maps would give you one route option, instead of three.
So you don’t have to sit in traffic thinking about the two beautiful routes that might have been.
15. You do not do well when people pressure you into making a decision quickly.
I can choose right, or I can choose quickly, but I am definitely not doing both.
17. Friday night = the night when you argue with yourself for two hours about whether to go out or stay in.
“Maybe” is your favorite Facebook reply button.
18. You honestly have no idea where to start on your to-do list.
19. You are never really sure whether to go on that second date or not.
But if I go on another date, it will be that much harder to break up with that person later AHHHHHHHH WHAT DO I DO?
20. Even if you can make a decision… you then immediately regret it.
YES! NO! I DON’T KNOW! MAYBE! SHUT UP!
21. Because you know that your worst decisions end very badly for you, and hilariously for everyone else.
Stand proud, because at least that makes you the friend with the best stories.