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50 Things You Should Stop Worrying About

This is all stuff that will not matter in a month.

1. How you look today.
2. That someone heard you fart.
3. That you can’t find that one coupon for $1 off.
4. Getting in a good joke on Twitter during a major televised event.
5. That zit.
6. Looking stupid while dancing.
7. You said the word “fuck” too close to a playground.
8. You asked a dumb question in class.
9. Your boss tried to start a conversation with you but you couldn’t think of anything to say so you just said “Yup” or “Cool beans!” and then you stared back at your computer and ignored them hoping that maybe you tricked them into thinking that you are actually some sort of super genius who is obsessed with their work but has poor social skills, or something.
10. You picked a wedgie without thinking about it and you’re pretty sure eight people saw.
11. That someone will notice the tiny stain on your shirt.
12. Looking stupid while doing karaoke.
13. How your hair looks.
14. Being judged for what you are eating.
15. Why you don’t have plans this weekend.
16. That you had that second cookie.
17. That you accidentally spit a little bit while you were talking.
18. That you were two minutes late to work.
19. That you forgot someone’s name and you had to ask them again and now they hate you.
20. That idiotic thing you said to your co-worker.
21. Getting left off of a group text.
22. The horrible silence that happened after you told that stupid joke.
23. You forgot your phone at home.
24. Someone heard you poop.
25. Someone might notice that you wore the same outfit twice this week.
26. You accidentally threw out the rest of your leftovers.
27. You tripped and looked stupid.
28. You tipped your waiter a dollar too much.
29. You will accidentally read spoilers on the internet.
30. Your team is going to lose this super-close game.
31. You didn’t get invited to that one party.
32. That one person on Tinder is ignoring you.
33. Whether or not you used the word “Sincerely” or “Best” when signing your cover letter.
34. That weird face you made.
35. Accidentally making eye contact with someone.
36. Looking stupid while introducing yourself at a party.
37. That you accidentally picked your nose and someone might have seen.
38. Why the mail hasn’t come yet.
39. Where the fuck you put your keys.
40. What you ate for lunch today.
41. Whose turn it was to do the dishes.
42. That one asshole not letting you into the lane even though your turn signal’s been on for 4 minutes, Jesus Christ.
43. That weird gesture you did.
44. That you spilled something on your shirt.
45. That you won’t make it to the cleaners before it closes.
46. That your outfit is dumb.
47. That you won’t get out of the meeting in time to beat rush hour.
48. That your food smells bad and everyone will notice.
49. Your shiny forehead.
50. Anything you’ve said or done in the last 24 hours.

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Senior Editor, Hugmaster General
 
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