1. …I bet that’s just a blond hair.
2. I don’t grow blond hairs.
3. I should pluck it just to be sure.
4. No, I shouldn’t pluck it. That’s insane.
5. But it looks pretty gray.
6. I’m just gonna look in this mirror. Just to check.
7. oh god
13. NO NO NO NO NO NO
14. I am overreacting.
15. Seriously, there is no need to panic. Everyone gets gray hair. Some people get gray hair in their teens, it’s not like getting gray hair is a good indicator of age.
16. Besides, there are many, many, many many many more serious things to be worried about.
17. Like the fact that I haven’t written my book yet.
18. And that it is probably too late for me to try and go out for a Nobel Prize.
19. I’m probably also too old to try and become president someday, too. Yessir, my parents are definitely never going to have to say that they have a president in the family.
20. Besides, lots of people have gray hair!
21. Like grandma.
22. And… others.
23. Wow, this gray hair is long.
24. That hair was probably growing for a long time.
25. That means that I have had a gray hair for a long. time.
26. Oh no.
27. That means that there could be other gray hairs.
28. I am overreacting. This is not a big deal. It happens.
29. OH GOD THERE’S ANOTHER ONE.
30. Really glad no one is around to see me frantically comb through my hair because I look ridiculous.
31. Great, EVERY STRAND OF HAIR LOOKS SUSPICIOUS NOW.
32. This is horrible. This is like finding a bedbug, except it’s in my hair.
33. I should start dying my hair.
34. Can you dye one strand of hair?
35. What if I can’t ever find a hair dye that matches my color, and I eventually end up walking around looking like one of those cars with house paint on them?
36. Oh dear god what if I get gray facial hair?!
37. I’m gonna pluck these hairs RIGHT NOW.
38. I really shouldn’t pluck them.
39. What if four more grow in their places?
40. Actually, that makes no sense, how could two hairs grow from one hair follicle?
41. I really shouldn’t take the chance.
42. But if I pluck them, then I technically will NO LONGER HAVE ANY GRAY HAIR and then I will win.
43. But if I just keep plucking these hairs I will eventually have no hair left.
47. WHERE DID MY YOUTH GO?
48. Although… I could just part my hair in the other direction, and pretend like this whole thing never happened.
49. PROBLEM SOLVED.