1. 1. 3 Day Test, a family comedy in which Martin is a dad convinced that too much technology is what’s keeping his kids from wanting to hang out with him. So, he decides to bring his family closer together…
2. …by turning off the power, water, and heat to their house, and locking everyone inside. For three days. Over Christmas.
What this Christmas needs is some CHILD ENDANGERMENT.
4. 2. Beyond the Heavens, in which Oliver is a boy struggling to choose between faith and science.
Also, how are NONE of the four floating heads on this poster matched with the correct name?
5. His attempts to disprove the existence of God include looking through a microscope and staring at a leaf through a magnifying glass.
Maybe God is very tiny?
6. To guide Oliver back to Team Faith, an angel comes down from heaven… in a noticeably grainy scene that looks suspiciously like ripped-off Russian dash cam footage of the Chelyabinsk meteor explosion.
7. The angel then thinks a good way to earn Oliver’s trust is by knocking on his window late at night, dressed as Rasputin.
Unfortunately, he ends up being right.
8. 3. Seasons of Gray is a modern retelling of the story of Joseph (now called Brady), the poor dude who gets sold into slavery by his brothers because he gets a Rainbow Coat and they do not.
Except this time, they are cowboys!
9. Brady’s brothers hate him because he got a free truck…
OH HELL NO.
12. Eventually his brothers get tired of his crap, and he gets banished to work in a mail room.
This actually happens.