3. Can’t move ten feet without accidentally taking another object with you.
You are basically a human lint roller.
4. Can’t wear high heels without looking like a doofus.
It is the world’s fastest way to end up on the ground.
5. Can’t go around with untied shoes.
Your shoelaces don’t like you, for good reason.
6. Can’t get on or off a bus gracefully.
It’s like a circus, in that you are a clown and there is an audience.
7. Can’t go too long without acquiring some kind of evil-looking bruise.
Having limbs is basically a full-contact sport for you.
8. Can’t cope with uneven sidewalks.
You aren’t really good with obstacles.
9. Can’t even begin to deal with snow.
Despite how it looks, snow is not a pillow. You are intimately aware of this.
10. Can’t try to sit on furniture without somehow landing on your butt.
How did you do that? How are you always doing that?
11. Cannot cross any icy surfaces and expect to end up where you set out to go.
It doesn’t matter if you are looking directly at the ice, you’re still gonna bite it.
12. Can’t navigate stairs with dignity.
Stairs: all of the danger of stepping off of a curb, 17 TIMES IN A ROW.
13. Can’t keep your knees from looking busted.
You really should just be wearing knee pads, just accept it.
14. Can’t handle loose rugs.
Rugs are basically just large, flat banana peels.
15. Cannot successfully trampoline.
This wasn’t invented for you. This was invented for a human who can remain upright for longer than ten seconds.
16. Can’t really stay on top of a bike.
It’s all the problems of walking, but faster, and from a higher altitude, so you are definitely putting yourself in the danger zone.
17. Definitely cannot meaningfully contribute to a sports team.
Sports teams do not have elections, but if they did, you would be voted off, like, immediately.
18. Can’t eat without dropping food all over yourself.
Food just wants to get into your body as fast as it can, so you can’t blame it for trying to take a short cut through your skin and clothes.
19. Can’t shake hands during a job interview without awkwardly juggling all the stuff you brought with you.
The job interview handshake is a perfect time to show off how you cannot handle trying to do two things at once.
20. Can’t use an escalator without stumbling at least once.
NOPE, YOU’RE JUST GONNA TAKE THE ELEVATOR.
21. Can’t really be trusted around wet floors.
You are the reason why someone invented the caution sign.
22. Can’t deal with the responsibility that comes with sitting on an exercise ball.
You know balls are not for sitting on. What are you even doing?
23. Can’t even dream of tying to high five someone.
Whoever invented the elbow trick clearly does not get you.
24. Can’t open containers without getting everything all over the place.
You are an artist, and your kitchen counter is your canvas!
25. Can’t walk in a straight line, even while sober.
You were probably absent that day in kindergarten.