1. A falling poster in the middle of the night.
Like a rabid animal clawing it’s way towards your exposed underbelly in the dark.
2. The first time the heating turns on.
And you spend a terrifying moment think there’s a demon breathing int he corner of your room before you realize it’s just the radiator.
3. When the floorboard directly outside your bedroom door shifts.
And you KNOW that it was too loud and heavy to be an ‘old house settling’ sound.
4. Toxic sludge pouring out of the faucets.
And you don’t notice until the blood of the former tenants has already touched your skin.
5. All your lightbulbs burning out at once.
And you’re flooding by darkness and WHAT THE FUCK IS TOUCHING YOUR LEG.
6. Simliarly, SPARKS.
And the last thing you see before you die in fiery blaze is that piece of toast you were trying to make.
7. That ominous rumbling of something that’s hungry.
And by the time you realize it’s the ice maker you’ve walked around the whole house with a baseball bat and your cell phone.
8. Doors slamming shut for no apparent reason.
(You may have left the window open.)
9. And then this happens when you try and get out.
HOW DO YOU DOOR WITHOUT A DOOR KNOB?
10. When you’re rinsing shampoo out of your hair and shower curtain liner suddenly clings to you.
And you have a split second to think, “Don’t let them find me like Laura Palmer.”