1. Because Shrek is a classic. Because Shrek has been here since the birth of everything.
2. Because Shrek has mated with Barbie, creating a race of indestructible super soldiers know as Shrarbie in their native tongue.
3. Because Shrek transcends time; he is omnipresent, seeing all possibilities and realities at once.
4. Because Shrek had written your destiny before you could even comprehend that your true purpose in life was to serve the Ogrelord.
5. Because knowledge is power and the only thing you need to know is Shrek.
6. Because Shrek can elevate anything, even brony memes. Truly a miracle.
7. Because Shrek is literally inside you right now.
8. Because each time you take a bite of him, he takes a bite of you. Your soul sustains his immortality for all time.
9. Because now that you've understood what the apex of perfection is, you won't stop until you one of your own.
10. Because only Shrek can save you now. Accept him. OR ELSE.
11. Because you can't spell erotic without Shrek. You also can't think erotic thoughts without summoning Shrek. You don't want to know what happens to Shrek when you masturbate.
12. Because this is the teat of life we should all be suckling.
13. Because Shrek is the music that scores the world, the universe, the cosmic battle between heaven and hell.
14. Because no one can see prejudice when all they can see is Shrek.
15. Because The Swamp is where you go when you've shuffled your mortal coil and transcended the earthly planes to truly merge your soul with the never-ending entity that is da based Shrek.
Follow Elsa into the light children.