1. Wait your turn or a green evil monkey in a turban will make this face at you.
2. Do not help old ladies across the street unless you want a purse to the face.
3. Not even superpowers will help you figure out boys.
7. Or don’t. That’s good too.
14. Always trust an adult whose face you’ve never seen.
15. The alternate universe version of you will inevitable be way more punk rock.
21. The secret to perfect hair is to make sure it has a life of its own.
22. The band aid approach is the best way to deal with breakups.
23. Sometimes this is the best way to solve problems.
24. What you want is fortune, what you get is a platitude.
25. There are some problems that even castles can’t solve.
29. Those who seem the craziest often have the best advice.
31. Just because someone like you hasn’t done it before doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.
34. You’re probably smarter than everyone else around you.
In The News Today
- About 6,500 refugees have reached Austria. Austria and Germany said on Friday that stranded refugees in Hungary could cross their borders. ›
- Rowan County, Kentucky, issued several marriage licenses, but their validity is being questioned because jailed clerk Kim Davis's name isn't on them. ›
- U.S. Vice President Joe Biden said he isn't sure he has the "emotional energy" to run for president. ›