1. You are not tied upside down on a rope.
Blood rush to the head? Um, no, thank you.
2. You are not the person who wasted their money on perfectly good hot dogs.
“I guess just hot dog buns for dinner is OK,” said no one ever.
3. You are not this man without a computer chair.
Or his friend.
5. You don’t have the entire world against you.
Give me the world on my shoulders any day.
6. You are not this boy who was enjoying life.
You’re way smarter than to splash in puddles.
7. You do not have this crushing sense of disappointment at this very moment.
Count your blessings.
8. You know better than to buy a cheap bed frame.
“Excuse me, Ms. Pink Yoga Pants, but have you heard of IKEA?”
9. You are not the owner of this house.
Out dated ceiling fans? Really? Does this make you happy?!
10. You are not this man’s hairdresser.
Someone let him walk out with that middle part. Unacceptable.
11. You know better than to just wear shorts and a T-shirt while it’s snowing.
And to not do a face plant, probably.
12. You are not being thrust into a sea of people.
It’s the little things in life sometimes.
- The gun allegedly used by an undocumented immigrant to shoot and kill a woman on a San Francisco pier last week may have been stolen from a federal agent.
- Fox has secured the rights to make a movie about the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling on marriage equality.
- Subway has suspended Jared Fogle, the weight-loss guy from their commercials, due to an FBI investigation.