We shared a post where men revealed their casual sex stories and their various perspectives on what it means to them.
Their eye-opening stories inspired the women of our BuzzFeed Community to confess their own experiences with casual sex, too.
So, here are some women who are either 100% here for sleeping around or who feel like it's just not for them:
Note: Some stories were taken from this old Reddit thread.
Note: Some stories include topics of domestic abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1. "I slept around a lot for about three years, and I totally regret it. At the time, I thought I was doing it for fun, and sure, it was, but I was using sex as a placeholder, hoping that a relationship would blossom out of it. It took me meeting my current partner (who also didn’t immediately want to jump into bed) to realize what I was doing was not what I wanted, or needed emotionally and mentally. I wish I had more self-respect and had realized this earlier."
—Anonymous
2. "I was in a casual relationship with a married man. I never thought this would ever happen or that I would do this. We were both in long-term relationships, but I was mistreated and ignored for years during COVID. Creating this casual relationship was the best way for us to get through our personal lives. Life is already difficult, and this was easy. We were both going through a lot of shit, and we helped each other when times were tough. It's the best connection I've ever had with another person."
—Anonymous
3. "I 'goofed around' a lot in college — I saw dating at that age as practice. My parents are divorced, so I knew I needed to learn from scratch how relationships work, which meant 'trying on' different ones by being with different types of guys. It was a mix of serious relationships, hookups, one-night stands, friends with benefits, and whatever else. Sometimes, I'd ask guys out for coffee just because it's nice to chat and get to know someone new, and it had nothing to do with sex. And sometimes, I was just bored and needed to shake the dust off by doing something social. It didn't work often, though, because I went to college in a small Midwest city, and men weren't used to women being so 'forward.' I never learned how to 'play the game.'"
"I just asked guys out, and if they responded poorly, I figured I dodged a bullet. Ultimately, my nonstop dating and hooking-up adventures led me to meet my now husband, so I definitely can't complain. But, I've learned through conversations with other women that my track record was well above average, which honestly shocked me. I thought that was just what people do.
When I first realized my now-husband was the one, I was frustrated because I didn't feel like I was 'done yet' with my youthful sleeping around. I'm also bi, and being where I was in the world, I never got a chance to date or hook up with any women.
It was a mild bummer to realize I'd never experience being with a woman, but at this point, I'm over it. My husband is AMAZING, and I wouldn't trade this life for anything. We have two wonderful kids, a small home, and a solid, fulfilling life together."
—Anonymous
4. "I’ve been married for almost 15 years, but recently, we’ve both wanted to date others casually, so we’ve opened up our marriage. I had a few one-night stands, which were a lot of fun, and then one of them developed into a once-a-week tryst that was super hot and kinky. It’s really boosted my self-confidence, as well as given me some fun ideas to bring back to my husband. Between my spouse and this new lover, and an occasional one-night stand from a dating app, I’m loving dating in my late forties."
—Anonymous
5. "I did my fair share of sleeping around in my twenties. I was raised in a strict household, where 'saving yourself' was the unspoken rule. Once I 'rebelled' and had sex for the first time, it was basically game on. Some experiences were good, but most were bad because I didn't know enough about my body to know what would work for me and what wouldn't. So, I kept looking for someone who knew what worked for me. It took me a while, but I realized that it wasn't them who needed to know what I needed. It was me. Once I figured out my own body, I wasn't having as much casual sex because I learned I could get myself off much better."
—Anonymous
6. "When I got out of a long-term relationship, I was mentally damaged a lot. I wasn't ready for a long time to give in to a new relationship. Casual sex helped me regain my confidence and heal my wounds under my conditions while still feeling intimacy with another human being. Plus, you get a shit load of life experience with people. So [having casual sex] is a HARD YES from me as long as you do it for yourself. And when you are ready to move on to something more serious you will better understand what you want in your life and relationships."
7. "In my late teens and early twenties, I had a few relationships in which I deserved better. I was not treated very well by men. So, I turned that around and used them like they were using me since I wasn’t benefiting from committed relationships. I didn’t sleep around with guys and maybe had a single one-night stand (not very satisfying but memorable), but I had more than one friends with benefits situation. One of those ended up turning into a relationship. We met through a mutual friend and kept in touch. The sex was the best I’d ever had at the time, and I have no regrets. We fell in love, and while it eventually turned out he was the wrong guy for me, I still think he’s a great guy, and I hope he’s happy wherever he ends up. Another friend with benefits was a long-term friend who was great in bed but started treating me differently in a bad way. He actually berated me a few times, which was not something he did in our (now former) friendship. He can rot."
—Anonymous
8. "Being a woman in my thirties, I’ve come to use casual sex as a tool to fill the gaps between dating. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I’ve had partners who understand that I’m not seeking anything serious with them, but they also focus on giving me the things that I want sexually. I’ve used my time to really focus on myself, and the casual sex has helped that so that I’m not spending energy on someone else."
—Anonymous
9. "I had two big 'ho' phases, first in my early twenties, then in my late twenties. The first one I regret thoroughly how I went about it because people got hurt. But my second 'ho' phase? I regret absolutely NOTHING. I was in the midst of a traumatic divorce that I did not want, and I was in a phase of instability and transition. I ended up having fun, and I 'ho-ed' responsibly. No one got hurt. I got a lot of shit out of my system that needed to get out, and by the time I made things exclusive and official with my now-partner of seven years, I was ready."
10. "I slept with a number of men between my early to mid-forties. I was divorced and had three kids. I met them online, and looking back on it now, I think it was because I needed validation I was still attractive and wanted. It wasn’t always different men. I had a few I would see on multiple occasions, usually married men who wanted someone 'safe' (meaning no strings attached). That was fine with me — it was fun, but now I am ashamed that I did it. I see now I had little value in myself. I finally met someone I truly cared about. We took our time and didn’t have sex until five months into the relationship. He valued me and was patient to wait."
—Anonymous
11. "I'm glad I tried it since I was curious. But honestly, the sex was hardly ever good (I'm more into sex with an emotional connection). And the risk (both STD and the chance of them being, you know, up to no good) was just too high. I usually did it when I was craving intimacy (which a vibrator can't give you), but surprise, surprise, a casual contact usually doesn't provide intimacy either."
12. "I had casual sex because I felt like it in the moment, or went searching for it because I was sexually frustrated. One, as always, risks not having the sexual chemistry you thought you would, but in most cases, it was great. Now, I try avoiding it because I am trying to make myself look for a serious partner. I ended up with casual partners because I didn't have the patience to date until I found a potential serious partner. However, I'm a person who is sort of made for being in a serious relationship. Good communication is important to me. I get sexually frustrated if we don't meet often enough, and I prefer just dealing with one person and not changing all the time. So, casual doesn't work well for me over time because of those reasons."
13. "I was lucky in a way: I had my first and only one-night stand when I was 24. I was set up on a blind date with a woman, and we wound up spending the night together and had (from my perspective) some very mediocre sex. The reason I found it unsatisfying is that I was basically having sex with a stranger, and it made me feel very uncomfortable. About three years after this event, I met my wife, and for me, having sex with someone you know well and have strong positive feelings for is the best kind of sex."
14. "I had A LOT of casual sex (no need for numbers). I was working on my career, figuring out who I wanted to be, and learning what I wanted out of life. 10-15 years ago, there was definitely more of a stigma about it, but I enjoyed good sex and didn’t see the point in settling down when I wasn’t ready. Eventually, one of my friends with benefits turned into an actual relationship, which led to marriage and kids. I look back on my experiences now, and I appreciate the memories because I know that I wouldn’t have gotten here without them."
—Anonymous
15. "I had a 'ho' phase when I was 39-43 after having had two long-term relationships in my twenties and thirties. It was mostly awesome! I made some friends and had some great sexual encounters. I used online sites like Nerve, and my profile was pretty direct about what I liked 😎. I tried some new things and learned a lot about myself. Even the duds taught me! And now that I’m celibate and in my sixties, I have a lot of fun things to look back on."
—Anonymous
16. And finally, "I learned so much from dating. After a couple of really bad relationships in my thirties, I decided I would only date casually and more than one person at a time in order to avoid relationships and the 'workload' that comes with them. I met, chatted with, went out with, and slept with a huge variety of people. It changed me in so many positive ways. I became more independent. I had time to work on my career without apologizing to anyone. I really got to know myself so much better, including how to say no or let go of people who weren’t good for me. I think I was raised with such a permanent and self-sacrificing version of what love means, I really had to reset."
"Then I met my boyfriend. We were friends for a couple of years without anything romantic. But when we were ready to commit, we were both really ready and 100% clear on what we wanted.
I think it’s important for women to learn the difference between love and the cocktail of brain chemicals your brain makes when you meet someone new or sleep with someone. Dating more than one person at a time teaches you to control the impulse to try to capture every guy you are attracted to, especially since many of them will not want a relationship.
I recommend it as long as you are safe and smart (and 'do some homework' before you get started). There are a lot of great books and podcasts about the science behind love and attraction. Different things work for different people, and I know that was a very freeing couple of years for me.
I learned so much about myself, met some extremely brilliant and talented people, and have a lot of intriguing dating stories."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.