We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share with us their most embarrassing experiences with masturbation. Here are the frightening results.
1. Submitted by Christiane Danielle Williams (Facebook)
My best friend told me that one time he got home from school, thinking he beat everyone home, and decided it was a good time to log into his favorite porn site to jerk off. He said he was too busy "violently cumming" to hear when his dad walked into the room. His dad cleared his throat and my friend made eye contact with him, penis in hand. My best friend lowered his head quietly, logged off the porn site, and then shut down the computer. Once the screen went black, his dad left.
2. Submitted by Paul Foster (Facebook)
In between 18 hours of flights, I decided to have a go in the airport restroom. Three days of pre-flight stress and lack of free time caught up with me, and I missed the paper towels that I brought into the stall with me. I stayed silent, but I'm pretty sure the person in the stall next to me saw a questionable substance hit the floor with a ridiculous velocity. My black sneakers and black khakis became an unfortunate wardrobe choice for the rest of my travels.
3. Submitted by Belinda Blake (Facebook)
I'm from Canada, and around the time of 9/11, I was taking a bus trip across the United States. I brought my vibrator with me and was feeling a bit frisky, so I decided to use it in the bathroom before getting on my next bus. I went in the stall and started going to town and I guess I must have forgotten to lock the door because a woman opened the door when I was in the middle of orgasming. I was so embarrassed that I just threw the vibrator in my purse as was and went to catch my bus. Well, since 9/11 happened, they decided to check everyone's bags for extra security. I had a security guard pull my used vibrator, which I never got to wash off, out of my purse, in front of hundreds of people waiting in the line. I was mortified.
4. Submitted by Jo Hee Bennette (Facebook)
My dad walked in on me in high school, and I couldn't get my vibrator to shut off, so I kept talking to cover the humming noises. On another note, I walked in on him in our study watching porn and he couldn't get the remote to change the channel, so I guess we are even.
5. Submitted by David Reed (Facebook)
I walked in on a friend masturbating to furries porn. It was very uncomfortable for me, and probably for him too. Glimpsing at a couple of big bird-looking things going at it was just too much for me that I hardly even noticed my friend.
6. Submitted by thecarter95.
Recently I came out, and as a gift, my best friends took me to a sex store and bought me a lot of toys. So when I came back from college on spring break, I stayed at my father's house. One day while everyone was away I decided to whip out my new dildo; I was totally in my own world, and didn't hear my father open the front door to the house. But somehow, by the grace of god, I heard him coming to my bedroom door. I hurried and threw the comforter over my entire body, mind you that my new vibrating dildo was still in my ass and at high speed. My father came bursting in the room and commanded me to take out the trash. I nodded, but my father looked at me before storming out of the room and said: "What are you waiting for? NOW!" I put my pants on, and wrapped the lubed-up dildo in my brother's comforter and took out the trash.
7. Submitted by Trent Taylor (Facebook)
A friend of mine lives in my apartment building two floors below me. One day, he made a Facebook status about how some guy in his building has sex every morning at the same time and that he is really loud. I messaged him and asked him the time frame, and he told me it's between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. in the morning. I tell him that's funny because I'm usually up then, and I never heard the noise. Then I thought about my "daily routine" and messaged him back. I mentioned that the guy was actually me and what he heard in the morning was not sex. He continued to laugh hysterically and reposted that the mystery was solved. I tried to change my routine, or at least tried to control my volume for a little bit after that.
8. Submitted by Kristina Swallow (Facebook)
I hid my vibrator and lube under my pillow when I stayed at my grandma's after a family party, where I wasn't planning on staying. I later learned my aunt and uncle slept in my bed, and I had completely forgot to move the stuff from under my pillow. It's never been mentioned.
9. Submitted by furryfriends4me.
At the time, way back when we didn't have cell phones to watch porn, I was horny without any device to actually watch porn. So, I got out American Pie and flipped to the scene where the main guy humped the pie. I was using a dildo and unfortunately my family came home early. I had a dildo stuck inside of me for 30 minutes with my pants down, and I had to explain the American Pie scene to my family before I could try to escape. Awkward.
10. Submitted by Kristin Kianka (Facebook)
After going to town in my loft bed, I tossed my vibrator onto the floor with the intent of picking it up to rinse it off as soon as I climbed down. Of course, the second it hit the ground, my mom walked in and promptly did the quickest "what the hell" face I've ever seen. It's been years, and we've still never acknowledged it happened.
11. Submitted by Jenna Overstreet (Facebook)
When I was a kid, I discovered the precarious world of late-night HBO. By those late hours, both of my parents were already asleep and my older sister was in the computer room on the other side of the living room wall. Therefore, I would keep the TV's volume almost all the way down. So I was watching HBO, entirely out of curiosity, learning about all sorts of sex. At one point in the program, there was a couple that admitted to having sex all the time. They ordered a pizza and invited the delivery girl in for a threesome. For some reason, I found that so thrilling. Then, I noticed a wet spot in my underwear. I slid my hand down to rub it off, but then I noticed that the sensation felt good. I started to moan. I was just loud enough to alert my sister and quickly took my hands out of my panties when I heard her footsteps. She still saw what was on the TV screen and ended up telling my parents the next morning.
12. Submitted by laureno470ef4971.
One day I was in the mood, so I whipped out my dildo, dimmed the lights, and started to do my thing. I was almost to the point of climax when I heard a knock on the door. I thought if I ignored it they'd go away, so I continued but was interrupted again when I almost got to the point of sweet pleasure. I threw on a robe, too angry to even look out my peep hole, and opened the door. With big smiling faces, a group of people said: "Do you have a minute to talk about our lord and savior?" They were Jehovah's Witnesses.
