What It’s Like Having No Sense Of Direction

OK, stop saying “go east” like that means something to me.

Ugh. You’re totally lost again.

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You’re here (A). You need to be HERE (B).

You’re probably going to be late, and your friends/family/loved ones will be annoyed. WTF happened?

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You’re bad at directions. Like, really bad.

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You’ve tried to explain it.

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But it’s clear that they — those people with the mystery gift for somehow just knowing where “northwest” is — clearly don’t understand.

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THIS, you say, is the only North West you can identify.

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But still, someone gave you verbal directions. And you tried to understand, you really did.

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Them: “So then head south for eight blocks, then go east on Riverside.” You:

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Eventually you gave up. “I’ll just Google Map it,” you said.

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But most maps, to you, look more or less like this.

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It starts off ok, but soon you’ll have to turn. Turns are just opportunities to go the wrong way, when you really think about it.

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This … does not look right.

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Haha, whoops, let’s just turn around really quick.

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Oh, there’s your street again.

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No you are NOT going to cry because you can’t find a restaurant. It has just been a very weirdly long allergy season.

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You might call a friend and admit defeat.

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“Are you serious? You’re like three blocks away.” - your so-called friend

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You must try to remain calm.

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Explain that you do not work in norths and souths. You work in lefts and rights.

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Eventually, you WILL get where you’re trying to go.

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And your loved ones might not understand how stupidly difficult it was to get here, to this Olive Garden Family Restaurant. But we feel you.

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