The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More Twitter Followers
The way you get popular on Twitter seems about the same way you get popular in real life: Be funny and interesting and know the right people. Still, the Internet thinks you can get there without actually being, you know, followable. Here’s how (not) to do it!
1. Sign Up, Add “Handsome” To Your Handle
I think looks-based compliments, especially, are like nicknames: It’s uncomfortable if you give them to yourself! Please just have a normal Twitter handle, your name or otherwise. There is a teen girl in the U.K. who has my name (and her name, allegedly) as her handle, but you don’t see me adding complimentary prefixes to my handle to lure you in under false pretenses.
2. Go To All The Cool Twitter Parties
Who goes to a Twitter party? Personal brands. What do they serve at a Twitter party? Platters of the same joke, reheated. (Ugh, sorry.) What do you wear to a Twitter party? Unnatural lighting. Is this a real thing? I think Twitter parties just mean normal parties in which you sit on your phone, talking to nobody, tweeting. You could try it.
4. Say “Hey” To Everyone You Follow
If I followed someone and that person immediately tweeted a greeting to me, I would climb under my desk and never come out. Too scary!
5. Unfollow Jerks Who Don’t Follow You Back
EVERYONE knows that if your followER and followING counts are nearly even, something is up. What shady under-the-table deals are going on here? Do the people who are following you even like you? Do you even like THEM?
6. Call People to Thank Them for Retweeting
Buy a fruit basket. Carry it over to the person’s house. Knock on the door. Nobody’s home! Lie down on the front stoop with the fruit basket on your belly. Just wait.
7. Live-Tweet Your Friends, But With Movie Quotes
This one is actually a really good idea! Oh, wait…
10. Give Up and Buy Them All
It’s like they always say: “The best things in life are brainless spam Twitter accounts that say nothing and see nothing but follow you, silently and blindly, to the ends of the Earth, because you paid them to.”
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4 Responses So Far
- suziegk thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
- fanaca thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is WTF, Fail & LOL
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OMGitsShan 5 months agoOne of the best ones that always get me is when you unfollow someone and they get pissed off so they tweet bitching at you because you unfollowed them but then they unfollow you too. I mean WTF - The minute they unfollowed me, their argument is nulled.
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- lah8e thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is WTF
- robertpattersoni thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
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Linzilovee 5 months agoYou forgot one of the most annoying one which is people hashtagging #teamfollowback after every tweet! these people should be banned from twitter!
Also when people complain when people follow then unfollow. Ever though they unfollowed cos all you do is tweet annoying shit ALL the time! Apart from that i love twitter! -
- SyreneStrife thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is WTF & Fail
- oprahsweave thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is Fail
- Terra Smith thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is Fail
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- Christina V. thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
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- justins41 thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is Trashy & WTF
- Sean Curry thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
- MrSwearword thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is WTF
- SoJerseyy The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More...
- WhatTheHolyHeck thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is Trashy
- victoranon added Loser to the mix about 5 months ago
- Allison McCann thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
- louispeitzman thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
- kaitlinh3 thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is Fail & LOL
- Dorsey Shaw thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
- hermitina thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is WTF & LOL
- Matt Saccaro thinks The 10 Most Horrible Ways To Get More... is LOL
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