24 Text Messages All Hypochondriacs Will Recognize

You know you’ve done it.

1. This rapid escalation.

2. This non sequitur.

3. This threat of guilt.

4. This plea for reassurance.

5. This quietly panicky lmaoooooo.

6. This “I just bumped my head” follow-up.

7. This admission.

8. This non-poisoning.

9. This other non-poisoning.

10. This brief moment of self-awareness.

11. This tough love.

12. This humblebrag/hypochondria half-breed.

13. This unwanted reminder of inevitable mortality.

14. This temperature report.

15. This query about botulism.

16. This “Boy Who Cried Wolf” situation.

17. This slightly aggrieved motherly patience.

18. This leap from bruise —> blood clot.

19. These warnings.

20. This “Is that a thing?” thing.

21. This sick burn.

22. This living will.

23. This description of the symptoms of “being alive.”

24. This retraction.

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