1.
To start with, you're not great at opening lines.
2.
If YOU tried to pull off this line, it would be a disaster.
3.
Small talk brings out the worst in you.
4.
If you start, there is a 50/50 chance you will never actually stop.
5.
In summary: you, every time you open your mouth to talk to your crush.
6.
When you DO talk to someone cute you can't remember how to just make your face look NORMAL.
7.
The only person you have an easy repartee with is not actually a person, but a cat.
8.
You either move way too cautiously ...
9.
... or attempt to do something sexy that is actually just very weird.
10.
Mostly you avoid looking at anyone you find attractive.
11.
Because your face is constantly giving you away, and they CAN'T KNOW.
12.
Basically what you do if you like someone is to act like you really do not like them at all.
13.
Also you run away if they try to talk to you. Because what would you say??
14.
In any and all attempts to look like this:
15.
You inevitably end up pulling something like this:
16.
You could practice working your hair for hours ...
17.
... and still end up mostly looking like this.
18.
You find yourself resorting to ... unusual ... calming tactics when you're around a crush.
19.
You're awkward, and not the Jess on New Girl kind.
20.
Better to avoid the confusion entirely.
22.
And do what you always do in situations like these.
23.
And moon over your crush in private.
