1. An intimate familiarity with the peculiar phenomenon of frozen lower-face sweat.
Breathe out, breath warms lower face, lower face sweats, sweat freezes.
2. What do you mean ‘snow day’? Our schools are only closing for one reason, and that reason is double-digit negative temperatures.
Cold day! Everyone just try to survive, ok?
3. What walkable ice looks like vs. what “I’m going to fall right away” ice looks like.
4. How long it takes to wait out “I feel freezing” until you get to “I don’t feel anything.”
6. First neighbor up in the morning snow blows his/her driveway AND the neighbor’s.
8. “What’s that whirring sound back in the woods??” - your friend from California.
10. Winter does not start on December 21. Winter starts on Halloween.
11. Do. NOT. Leave home without this. Probably two of this.
If only you could put it on yourself.
12. This is NOT OKAY.
Umbrellas are for ONE kind of precipitation, and THIS ISN’T IT.
17. *THIS* is a snow storm.
A man clears his driveway in Duluth, Minnesota.