katherinee1984
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    • katherinee1984

      I shit myself in target, but this story starts years before when I unfortunately got a perianal fistula. Don’t know what that is? Look it up… No seriously look it up because you NEVER WANT TO HAVE ONE and if you end up at urgent care because your butt hurts and they say” it’s probably just a hemorrhoid” make them check. Trust me you want to know ASAP. Basically it’s an abscess in your butt and mine was right where it matters. If the infection gets to big it calls in butt miners to dig tunnels all around your back side to make room. By the time I realized I was truly in trouble the dwarfs had dug a map of a horseshoe. After years if trying to seal up the all the damage the miners did I was never going to be the same again. Your muscles just never work the same again after something like that. Mix all of this with some form of IBS or MTCTC ( my tummy can’t take coffee) and at some point, there will be the perfect poo storm. Flash forward about 6 years. I’m sick. I have some nasty upper respiratory something kicking my ass and I have a list of prescriptions that I NEED filled. I had been taking over the counter stuff for days before and my body was not happy with my choices, neither was my stomach. I went to Target, got to pharmacy, gave the pharmacist my prescriptions and took 2 steps and felt that gurgle/squeeze that happens when you know ” oh crap…. I need to… NOW”. You know because you have broken out into a cold sweat and all the hairs on your body are standing at attention. For most people this mean move and move quickly, for me it means move and there’s going to be a brown volcano. Again, I don’t work the same anymore. When the normal reaction for everyone else is squeeze and hold, SQUEEZE AND HOLD! Mine is to pray because nothing else is going to work. So now I’m standing in Target, in front of the pharmacy, praying, with random people, including the pharmacist, looking at me like I have been turned to stone by the White Witch. Finally the urgency of my situation passes just long enough for me to get to the bathroom. As I walk in there are these high school girls, just hanging out in the bathroom at Target. WTF….. Seriously!!!! at that moment I get flash backs from high school when I was really sick one morning before classes and this heard of girls would hang out in the bathrooms before class.I HAD to go and they WOULD NOT leave so I evacuated them from the facilities the stinky way and got teased endlessly afterward. So nope I was not going in that bathroom. There must be one in the back of the store … So I start out almost running before my stomach starts acting up again. This time I get to the cards and have to stop. ” oh God please not here not in public please please…… Crap”. The good news is it was winter and I had a long coat on to cover my back end the bad news … Well that’s obvious. I go back to the bathroom, thankfully the girls are gone. I have to throw out my undies. Clean myself up as best I can in a public bathroom and I still had to go back to get my prescriptions. When I finally got home my roommate, who knew I was going to the doc and probably a pharmacy was sitting on the couch and asks ” so how did it go” ….. ” oh I just shit my pants in Target… How was your day.”