1. Calling people “Sir” and “Ma’am” will become a regular thing.
It’s like you get a crash course in manners when you marry someone from the South, whether you like it or not.
2. Same goes for your use of “y’all.”
It really is a great conjunction and less heteronormative than “You guys.” Plus, it’s really fun to say as in, “Y’all need to be less heteronormative, for Chrissake.”
3. You realize the Great BBQ War is a real thing and you must choose sides.
Well, those sides are chosen for you depending on where you marry into. That being said, there ain’t nuthin’ like mutton. Western Kentucky represent!
4. Also, you are quickly taught that what you called barbecuing was actually just grilling.
Real barbecue is slow and low on indirect heat. So stop saying you are having people over for a barbecue when you are really having people over for a grill, OK?
5. You will root for a college you didn’t attend and like it.
Unless of course they are playing your alma mater, in which case you just have to sit there silently rooting for your team.
6. The fact that sweet tea isn’t offered at all restaurants will bum you out.
Why isn’t this a staple everywhere? It tastes like love. Sweet, sweet love.
7. Their family and friends will become your family and friends real quick.
How better than to keep tabs on you, right?
8. Giving driving directions by landmarks becomes second nature.
“Just go until you see the big tower, then turn right. When you reach the fence with the hole in it turn left. Then before you know it — bam! — Disneyland.” —You now
9. You will have at least one bad encounter with moonshine.
And most likely at a wedding where someone has a little “sumthin’ sumthin’.”
11. You learn that throwing shade and gossiping is an art form.
And you do not want to be on the receiving end of either.
12. Tasting real biscuits and gravy, country ham, etc. will blow your mind.
And give you an insatiable craving for them constantly.
13. Hot sauce. Hot sauce everywhere.
And don’t get me started on BBQ sauces.