1. This place makes no sense.
What are they trying to contain? Life?!
2. This is what your microwave always looks like.
You can’t even remember when the last time you heated up spaghetti was. This does not bother you at all.
3. You lose your keys on a daily basis.
“Where’d I put those again?”
4. Wearing white is a recipe for disaster.
“Why did I wear this to wine tasting? Screw it. Pass the malbec!”
5. Watching Hoarders makes you feel good about yourself.
At least you’re not that bad. Well, not yet.
6. Dirty dishes only go in the sink when the counter next to it gets full.
Why would you ever put them in the sink? That seems like too much work.
7. And why would you do dishes when you have pets?
You can’t make those dishes shine like they can!
8. The “five second rule” is more of a suggestion than a rule.
“How long has this french fry been lying here? Know what? Nevermind.” eats fry
9. You’re deeply confused by people who take a “whole weekend” to clean.
10. Ironing might as well be brain surgery to you.
How do people do it so fast and make their clothes look so good? ARE THEY WITCHES?
11. You always know where your shoes are.
They’re in the middle of the floor, right where you took them off.
12. This is the only cleaning product you own/use.
It cleans everything, right?
13. Crumbs are a part of life.
Just kick them under the couch/fridge/whatever and they magically disappear.
14. Your closet is more of a clothes/everything vortex than a clothes organization area.
Somewhere in there is that cardigan you’ve been looking for. It was nice knowing you, cardigan.
15. Though you usually see order where others see disarray.
“That copy of Moby Dick? It’s right here. I think.”
16. Mistakes like this don’t bother you.
What’s the big deal? Looks fine to me.
17. Your car is a continual work in progress.
“Oh, there are no Cheez-Its in that box. That’s where I keep the extra ketchup packets.”
18. You’ve paid good money hiring cleaning services in the past.
You see? Being messy is a job stimulator!
19. Coffee rings are more art than “stains.”
I mean, they could be, at least.
20. You’ve taken a stab at being a “neat” person.
It’s just that being messy is sooo much easier.