1. “Why do I have to wear a condom? Isn’t that what the pill is for?”
Look, you are about to have sex, and any complaints at this moment are stupid and childish. If said complaint results in no sex, then guess what? It was your fault.
2. “What’s so wrong with telling random women on the street how attractive I think they are? It’s a compliment.”
Because it makes women uncomfortable and makes you seem like a pervy loser.
3. “I hate when women breastfeed in public.”
Why is it any of your business? They are literally feeding another human. It’s like complaining about sidewalk cafes because you hate seeing people eat.
4. “You’re just gonna leave me with blue balls?”
Whining about blue balls makes you look like a 14-year-old who just touched a boob for the first time. If you’re that concerned, go to the bathroom and finish yourself off, you bum.
5. “Why do women treat periods like they’re a big deal? It’s just cramps.”
When men start to get kicked in the nuts every day for a week each month, then bleed out of our dicks, maybe we can then begin to complain about periods. Maybe.
6. “Are you really going to eat all that?”
Oh, boy. Complaining/critiquing what a woman is eating or not eating is not only rude, but just plain wrong. So, y’know, stop it.
7. “Why can’t I tell a woman on the street to smile?”
Know how to guarantee that a woman won’t smile? Say, “Yo, ma! Give me a smile!” I mean, who are you? The Smile Police?
8. “Why do you have to take so long to shop?”
Guys, just be happy she asked you to come along.
9. “I don’t know why but all my exes are CRAZY.”
Really? If all your exes are “crazy” then that means the common denominator is you. Do you think you might have something to do with this “craziness”?
10. “Why do girls wear certain clothes if they don’t want me to look?”
Jesus Christ, can we give this complaint a rest already? Cleavage is not an open invitation for ogling. Neither are short skirts. Or tight jeans. Or sweatpants. Or Snuggies. You get where I’m going with this?
11. “Shaving your face is just as bad as shaving your legs.”
No, it’s not.
12. “Why wear heels if you’re just gonna take them off later ‘cuz your feet hurt?”
Um, maybe because they want to wear them anyway? Is that a good enough reason?
13. “Why can’t I say, ‘We’re pregnant’? My partner’s pregnancy is just as hard on me.”
:: slams head on desk repeatedly ::
14. “I can’t believe any woman would have anything other than a natural birth.”