1. You spell “theatre” with an “re,” not an “er.”
I know they’re interchangeable, but one of them is wrong and you know it, too.
2. You don’t leave a room, you “exit.”
Probably in some dramatic fashion, as well.
3. Conversely, you don’t come into a room, you “enter.”
4. You have multiple copies of Shakespeare’s complete works.
You need something to prop up that dining room table, right?
5. Also, your bookshelf is littered with these:
Just to remind yourself that at one time you and Sammy French were BFFs.
6. You don’t move furniture out of a room, you “strike” it.
7. You can recognize a scrim when you see one.
Nice try, Disney’s Haunted Mansion ride. But us theatre majors can see right through you. Literally.
8. You are comfortable in front of a crowd.
“Want me to do the presentation for the West Coast reps? Sure! Now, where’s my dressing room?”
9. You probably still have your Ben Nye Makeup Kit.
And have used it every Halloween since you graduated.
10. You don’t start new chapters in your life, you begin new “acts.”
11. People speaking from the back of their throats drives you crazy.
Just project, for chrissake!
12. You catch yourself doing vocal warmups in public.
What better place to shake out that stress than in line at the grocery store?
13. You can fake slap the shit out of someone.
Who knew that stage combat class would come in handy so often?
14. You are hyperaware of actors in the wings when watching a play.
Hey, actor waiting to come on stage: I can see you and that Diet Coke you are taking a quick sip of.
15. Also, you are hypercritical of “interpretations” of stage classics.
“Please, tell me again about how you are doing The Merry Wives of Windsor set in modern times. It sounds so original.”
16. You use “Upstage/Downstage” and “Stage Right/Left” when “blocking” people in photographs.
“No, your right, my left. Ugh.”
17. You at one time posted a note like this:
AKA Please knock before entering.
18. You still call this the “Scottish Play” even when you’re not in a theatre.
What, are you insane?
19. You are probably not using said degree.
But you are the most charismatic person at your job. That’s a plus.
20. You still think saying “Good luck” instead of “Break a leg” is a jinx.
“Good luck? Well, guess a satellite is going to fall and kill me. Thanks for that.”
21. You instinctually find yourself “cheating out” when in a group of people.
I mean, how else is the imaginary audience supposed to see your face.
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