Ranking The "Doctor Who" Doctors By Someone Who Has Never Watched The Show

He is a real doctor, right?

I have to confess that I have never watched Doctor Who. I know there have been many Doctors and I think they are actually called Time Guys. Well, whatever they are called, I ranked them solely on how they look and what they are wearing because watching a million episodes would be daunting.

12. The Twelfth Doctor, aka Mr. Pointer.

He’s the newest one, right? Well then how can he be better than the rest yet? That coat is pretty great, though, so I’m sure eventually he’ll sneak up the list of great Time Guys.

11. The Second Doctor, aka the sixth Beatle.

I have no idea what is going on here. From the looks of it he is using a DJ mixer, so maybe everyone is getting ready for him to drop the beat. This makes sense, since he is a Time Guy and was able to travel to and from the future.

10. The Sixth Doctor, aka The Ringmaster.

Seriously, did he just leave a circus? And did she just leave a jazzercize class? Either way, they both seem comfortable and confident, so kudos to them. Also, what’s a Tardis?

9. The Seventh Doctor, aka Mr. Subtle.

Question mark sweater and what looks like a question mark handle on his umbrella? Mr. Subtle don’t care if everyone knows he is a Time Guy. I’m guessing he was a loud Time Guy, and when the other Time Guys got together they were like, “Ugh.”

8. The Fifth Doctor, aka Handsy McHandserdon.

Keystone / Via Getty Images

Getting a little fresh, aren’t we, Handsy? Looking past that, the striped pants and cricket vest combo don’t really work for me. Also, the question mark on his collar is a bit much. Not the best Time Guy look, IMO.

7. The First Doctor, aka Weird Preacher Man.

Harry Todd / Via Getty Images

I’m guessing his name is Nigel? He apparently gets along with aliens, which is cool. Also, I didn’t know this show had aliens. The more you knowwwwww!

6. The Ninth Doctor, aka Cool Dad.

Can Time Guys be cool dads? Because that is the way he is dressed. Like, a dad who used to be in a punk band but now runs an organic soap company.

5. The Eighth Doctor, aka Oscar Wilde.

Was Oscar Wilde a Time Guy? God, please tell me I’m right because I would watch the shit out of that. How come I feel like this version of Doctor Who was grittier? Must be the ascot.

4. The Eleventh Doctor, aka the one on the right.

This dude’s outfit is on trend. Maybe too on trend. Yet, he seems pretty youthful compared to the other Time Guys, which I feel would make him a more formidable Doctor.

3. The Third Doctor, aka the lead singer in a Tom Jones cover band.

Michael Stroud / Via Getty Images

Is he named Nigel, too? I don’t know what that thing he is standing next to is supposed to be. A R2-D2 predecessor? A British traffic light? Anyway, dude’s rocking that ruffled shirt like a boss, so I’m guessing he was a pretty good Time Guy.

2. The Tenth Doctor, aka Barty Crouch, Jr.

With that suit it’s more Lawyer Who, amirite? Oh, wait. He’s British. More like Barrister Who, amirite? BTW, is he holding a spoon of some sort?

1. The Fourth Doctor, aka Mr. Good Hair.

Look at those locks! They look as if they have a great bounce to them. And that scarf? On point. Are those qualities that are needed in order to be a Time Guy? Because if they are then Mr. Good Hair is the greatest Time Guy ever.

In conclusion, this show is way too British for me. I still have no idea what this show is about, what a Tardis is, and why there is a police box involved. Actually, I have no clue what a police box actually is, so… TIME GUYS 4EVA!

BBC / Via

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