1. Attempt to reward yourself with little treats for doing minimal work.
2. As well as try to punish yourself for doing minimal work.
But go easy on yourself.
3. Turn one “study break” episode of Party Down into a marathon of the whole season.
4. Refuse to crack a book until your food delivery comes because you can’t start without your brain food!
Estimated delivery time: two hours. PERFECT.
5. Aimlessly highlight the entire textbook.
Everything and nothing is important.
6. Instead of calling it “nodding off,” refer to it as a mini nap for every half sentence read.
Hey, you need to recharge.
7. Make flash cards to avoid facing the truth: You have no idea how to usefully absorb this information.
8. Study two months worth of information in one night because, uh, you’ll remember it better the closer it gets to exam day!
9. Invite your friends over for a “study party” that’ll turn into cocktail breaks, which’ll quickly escalate to rampant drinking.
10. Spend hours putting together your “midterms” playlist because it must be perfect!
Even if you’re too distracted by the lyrics to do anything.
11. Actually use the tiny, possibly mildew-infested bathtub in your dorm room to relax your nerves.
12. Invite your significant other/crush for, you know, moral support.
13. Decide that now is the time to get really good at that free solitaire app on your computer and phone.
This is the best and worst thing you’ve ever seen.
14. Make a solid attempt at hacking the SelfControl app just so you could check your Facebook updates.
Too bad you still don’t understand what’s going on in your comp sci class.
15. Respond to every human being who texts or emails you out of sheer desperation.
But, outside of procrastinating, you’re also a great friend.
16. Start drafting the email to your professor asking for an extension.
It’s more eloquently worded than any paper on Nietzsche.