LADIES. If you've ever been in a relationship, then you must be familiar with "I fucked up" flowers, aka the flowers your man gives you when he's fucked up.
The man, after said fuck-up, will usually come to his girlfriend's/wife's home within 24 hours holding a bouquet and hoping the gesture will get him off the hook.
Suddenly, you're given all this responsibility you didn't ask for, like, you know, taking care of LIVING THINGS.
You will inevitably have to watch them die, slowly and painfully, which does NOT put you in a better mood.
And, by the way, you may or may not choose to see this as a symbol of your actual relationship.
You'll also be constantly reminded of whatever lousy thing he did in the first place.
And if he just brings you flowers out of the blue, then you're automatically suspicious.
Because no one just gets you flowers without some kind of ceremonious reason — so you'll be on edge for days.
Also, really? Flowers? If he messed up enough to warrant flowers, he should actually be getting you something a little stronger.
Or, I don't know, maybe something edible and comforting, like chocolate???
Actually, literally anything would be better than flowers.
What's worse is when it becomes a routine and you get apology flowers, like, EVERY MONTH.
And you have to deal with the same mistakes over and over again and the same FLOWERS over and over again.
Because it's a cliché gesture that does nothing to move the relationship forward or open up communication.
So ladies, time to pick the last withered petals of that lame-o relationship.
And, as for the guys... Think about what you've done.
