1. When you say you don’t like Harry Potter, people automatically assume you have no imagination.
2. Or, better yet, they think you’re illiterate. “Have you even read the book???”
3. There is always talk of a new book or new movie or new Harry Potter SOMETHING, so if you aren’t excited about it, you’re a social pariah.
4. No, you don’t get it. Actually, you feel no connection to this world because unlike them, you can’t solve all your inconveniences with magic.
Talk about #firstworldproblems.
5. And spell names? Yeah, what the fuck is “Expelliarmus”?
6. Patronuses… WTF??? This is the stuff of nightmares.
Art by ShouttheSecrets.
7. “Muggles” and “Mudbloods” and blah blah BLAH.
You don’t even understand how muggles are able to keep witches and wizards and Mudbloods a secret from the world. As if no one would blab after too many brunch mimosas.
8. “This is such an epic story of good vs. evil.” Yeah, except the villains are flat: Voldemort is self-loathing, Petunia Dursley is mega jealz of her sister, and Draco is going through puberty, like all the time.
Y U MAD, BRO?
9. Don’t fool yourself, Harry and Ginny do NOT make the cutest couple ever.
It just feels like they were put together so Harry wouldn’t be alone.
10. Also, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry does not seem fun, it sounds like a total bummer; everyone is always in danger of DYING.
Trolls, giant snakes, swarms of spiders — did anything good ever happen in this godforsaken place??
11. Being assigned to Slytherin for any HP-themed game is a passive-aggressive way of people telling you you fucking suck.
12. To everyone who wishes Gryffindor existed: Isn’t categorizing everyone into four different groups just a terrible idea?
Let’s just create animosity amongst our students by clumping them into different groups! No wonder Draco Malfoy was so messed up.
13. “He Who Must Not Be Named” would never happen. There’d always be some kids in an alleyway saying his name all the time just because they could.
14. Then there was that day your friends dragged you to watch the first part of the seventh movie because you “had to see it!”
Even though you hadn’t seen the fifth, and barely remembered the sixth.
15. To your surprise, or lack there of, it actually isn’t “the best movie of all time”; all the movies start to blend together and feel exactly the SAME.
Plot: Harry is in trouble, someone is out to get him, Ron and Hermione are awkward, enter a random game of Quidditch, then Harry saves the day.
16. The “epic” final wand battle of the seventh movie feels depressingly anticlimactic.
Harry and Voldemort’s lifelong feud is essentially decided by whose wand lightning is stronger.
17. You couldn’t care less that there’s an International Quidditch Association.
18. All the news stories of the legal injunctions and blackmail attempts caused from fear of the latest book leaking is a bit too much.
These sweet girls from The Devil Wears Prada would be in deep shit in real life.
19. You’ve heard your friends geek out about it one too many times.
22. Everyone went through a period where they tried to sound British, and it still drives you NUTS.
23. Also, everyone and their mother takes this photo next to the 9 ¾ cart when they’re in London.
Meanwhile, you’d plan out a completely different itinerary than going on the HP tour when in a foreign city.
24. Sardine flavored jelly beans are enough to turn your apathy toward HP into complete detestation.
25. The abundance of HP products everywhere makes you feel like there is no escape.
Over 400 products, worth about $15 billion as a franchise. WHY.
26. Not to mention this THEME PARK, which is really just a hub for obsessive fans.
27. Honestly, J.K. Rowling’s success story is the most interesting part of this whole thing to you.
She followed her dreams all the way to the end and has become one of the most iconic children’s authors of all time. Daaaamn.
You can’t be mad at a woman who wrote seven No. 1 best-selling books in less than a decade.
So regardless of personal opinions about Harry Potter, she is the true wizard!
- Matt Stonie won the 2015 Nathan's Famous hot dog eating contest, beating 8-time champion Joey Chestnut ☀️??