valentines

17 Crazy Love Spells You Can Cast Right Now

It’s not too late to find love on Valentine’s Day!

Feeling lonely on Valentine’s day? Well, these are all real spells you can cast, courtesy of this website. So play that Screamin’ Jay and get cooking~

1. “Create Erogenous Zone”

 

“then old it over the candle chanting “Potens Xul facere (persons name/bodypart) a altus sensitiva erogenous zone” do this 8 times and picture that spot on their body glowing orange, then burn the peice of paper.”

So sensual!

2. “To win the love of a woman”

“chant:

MUNUS SIGSIGGA AG BARA YE
INNIN AGGISH XASHXUR GISHNU URMA
SHAZIGA BARA YE
ZIGASHUBBA NA AGSISHAMAZIGA
NAMAZA YE INNIN DURRE ESH AKKI
UGU AGBA ANDAGUB!

over the apple/pomegranate, then give the woman the apple/pomegranate to drink of the juices and she’ll surely come to you.”

Surely.

3. “A Yogurt Facial”

Columbia Pictures / Via people-are-pathetic15.tumblr.com

“Tip: This spell also works well for a mild case of sunburn.”

Nothing says “magic beauty charm” like slapping yogurt on your face.

4. “~GET HIM TO WUB YOU~”

Buena Vista Pictures / Via myrainbowofinsanity.tumblr.com

“The title says all,takes 3 days and a lot of belief.:)i tried this and it WORKED!!!!IM NOT LYING IM FREAKING SERIOUS!!!!”

Get him to love me? To rub me? Eh, either one probably works, honestly. Beggars can’t be choosers.

5. “LOVE ME OR DIE”

Warner Bros. / Via candarian-demon.tumblr.com

“Get a rhythm going, and say his name, like this, over and over: ‘[First Name, Last Name], love me or die; [First Name, Last Name], love me or die; [First Name, Last Name], love me or die.’ “

If you don’t love me, why are you even breathing, fool?

6. “NEW! VAMPIRE SPELL!!! NEW!! IT’S LIKE A VAMPIRE DIARIES SPELL”

“I WANT TO HAVE THE SAME BLOOD RUSH AS HIM/HER?
I WANT TO HAVE THE FANGS?
MY WEAKNESSES WILL BE STAKES VERVAIN AS WELL AS SUNLIGHT?”

Any shot at a love like Damon and Elena’s is probably worth it, right?

7. “Your Not Gonna Steal Boyfriend”

Warner Bros. / Via fionagoddess.tumblr.com

“Your Not gonna steal my Boyfriend
Your not Gonna Steal my boyfriend
and that’s final verdict.

^ there chant it 2 times”

YOU’RE NOT GOING TO STEAL MY — sorry — YOUR NOT GONNA STEAL MY BOYFRIEND!

8. “sexy spell”

 

“shout [I LOVE YOU [[name backwards then forward]BE WITH ME FOR ALL ETARNITY MAKE HIM/HER HORNY SO MOTE IT BE “

Deep down, we all just want someone to love us for all etarnity.

9. “how to make a love potion *real*”

Focus Features / Via showmeastack.tumblr.com

“put it in a glass(i would recomend a spray bottle)
then spritz some in your mouth,
and the first boy or girl you stare at
you both will fallatoumatically
in love!!!!!!!!”

The potion is all alcohol, so drinking it in copious amounts might be a good plan B.

10. “get some”

Universal Pictures / Via haveigonetoofar.tumblr.com

“This will help you get some.*if not done right it may result in a slap to your face*”

Hey, at least you tried?

11. “Incubus SexFriend”

“say in your mind ‘I want you in my dream, I want my sexy lady friend and I will remember my dream” keep repeating and think about having sexual intercourse at the same time and try staying awake.”

We all need more sexy lady friends.

12. “sex please”

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via t-h-e-o-n-e-a-n-d-o-n-l-y.tumblr.com

“Light the candle and chant sex is what i need please bring sex to goddess of love hear my plea sex is what i need”

What if you already do this every night?

13. “Desrie Sex Between You and Another”

 

“after you chant this blow out the candle and pour wax of you arm”

Maybe skip the wax? Or just don’t sue BuzzFeed?

14. “Sex Angel (instantly)”

 

“You will need the following items for this spell:
-You will need to have had a period.
-Locked room
-Bed
-Darkness _
Just be carfujl.”

Love is dangerous, yo. Be carfujl.

15. “TO GET SEX HAPPENING AGAIN”

“Invite your partner into the sacred Circle and get naked!”

Get naked in a bed in front of the person you want to bone? It’s just crazy enough to work!

16. “the bigger breast spell”

Paramount Pictures / tankunmichelle.tumblr.com

Paramount Pictures / tankunmichelle.tumblr.com

 

“Make the breasts voluptous make them round make them big make them sound make them the cup size “DD”.”

FYI: This is supposed to make someone else’s boobs too big as part of a revenge spell, not your own.

17. “Butt Taste Buds ONLY FOR BOYS”

“Do this spell to give a boy you dislike TASTE BUDS in their butt I would have made one for Girls butt (lol) this is too horrible to do to a female.”

CHYEAAAAH, GRRRL.

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