16. Lady Gaga Serenaded A Vagina
WTF-o-Meter: This gets a 7. It loses points because Gaga aims for WTF, which lessens the impact of everything she does. But gains points for being a story about Lady Gaga and a vagina that doesn’t involve the questions surrounding her lady parts. Also she somehow found a way to make this super sweet and endearing, which still doesn’t totally make sense.
15. An Earthquake Gently Shook The East Coast
WTF-o-Meter: This gets a solid 8. Earthquakes just aren’t supposed to happen in New York and DC. We weren’t prepared. But we will rebuild. We must.
14. George Lucas Made More Changes To “Star Wars”
WTF-o-Meter: This gets a 9.1. It shouldn’t be surprising, but people were still pissed about Lucas’s last round of changes (Greedo shoots first, etc). No one even thought to be concerned about new ones. It’s becoming clearer that he’s doing this just to piss us off at this point, right? He has to be the world’s wealthiest troll.
12. Kim Kardashian And Kris Humphries Split After 72 Days Of Wedded Bliss
WTF-o-Meter: Obviously a 72. “I will remember you. Will you remember me? Don’t let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”
11. The Rapture Didn’t Happen
WTF-o-Meter: A solid 89 for Harold Camping’s age at the time of the prediction. This is what we get for listening to Grandpa Simpson’s ramblings. Plus the guy I gave all my worldly possessions to wouldn’t give them back. Thanks for nothing, Harold Camping. I mean literally. Thank you for all the nothing I now have.
10. Beyoncé’s Baby Bump Folded Strangely
WTF-o-Meter: This gets a 99. Because that’s how many problems Jay-Z has that aren’t his wife getting fat because she’s pregnant.
8. Mariah Yeater Accused Justin Bieber Of Being Her Baby Daddy
WTF-o-Meter: This rated a “Baby, Baby, Baby No” on the meter for making us all uncomfortable, by reminding us that Justin Bieber probably has sex. Gross.
7. 51-Year-Old Doug Hutchison Married 16-Year-Old Courtney Stodden
WTF-o-Meter: This rated a very strong 899. That’s the number of seconds of fame that Courtney Stodden has currently enjoyed. So we’re almost done everybody! But screw them for making us all uncomfortable, by showing us that some pedophiles find loopholes.
6. Rebecca Black’s “Friday” Ruined The Best Day Of The Week
WTF-o-Meter: Wow a crazy strong rating of 10,073,089. That’s exactly how many people’s Fridays have been ruined by having to sit through this video. Saturday, meanwhile, is apparently very happy that cocky Friday finally got brought down a few notches.
5. Ryan Gosling Was Not Named People’s Sexiest Man Alive
WTF-o-Meter: 63. For the number of reasons that Ryan Gosling is sexier than Bradley Cooper.
4. Charlie Sheen’s Meltdown Entertained, But Then Almost Immediately Annoyed Us
WTF-o-Meter: The WTF-o-Meter just spat out “Winning”. But it was in quotation marks, so I think it was being ironic. I can’t remember a time when I thought “Winning” was a legitimately cool thing to say, but I have a series of Facebook statuses that say otherwise. Boo.
3. Anthony Weiner Sent Naked Photos To A College Co-Ed
WTF-o-Meter: This was interesting. When I put this story into the meter it just said “Historical Naming.” It took me a while to figure out, but you know how in the olden days if you were a baker, your last name would be Baker. Or if you were a blacksmith your last name would be Smith. Well Anthony comes from a long line of…
2. Casey Anthony Was Acquitted
WTF-o-Meter: “White Pretty OJ.” But in fairness to her it’s totally normal not to report that your child was missing. And lots of people have that brand of duct tape probably. And sometimes you need to party to cheer yourself up when your kid goes… Oh my god you guys. I think she may have done it.
1. Former Penn State Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky Was Accused Of Many, Many Instances Of Child Molestation
WTF-o-Meter: The meter refused to comment, as it is too outraged by how disgusting this situation is.
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