The three “Mighty Ducks” movies make up the greatest movie franchise of all time. And I’ll explain why, but before we start you better get pumped up.
Watch this. It’ll do the trick.
Okay, ready? Good. Now, “The Mighty Ducks” films are the greatest franchise of all time, because…
1. They introduced us to the prince that is Joshua Jackson.
2. And pre-Nickelodeon versions of Danny Tamberelli and Kenan Thompson.
3. The first movie featured what is arguably the greatest moment of Emilio Estevez’s career.
4. The franchise introduced the coolest hockey strategy that’s ever existed: The Flying V.
6. Possibly because they understood the power of a good nut shot.
7. Or because they helped popularize one of the greatest insults of all time.
Cake eater: a snobby person who thinks he or she is better than you. (See also: Banks, Adam.)
8. Maybe because Gordon Bombay’s license plate is super badass.
9. Or because the team always gave good fashion advice.
10. It could have been because the Ducks were so good in the films that the number-one hockey publication in America paid attention to their pee-wee games.
11. Or due to the fact that “The Mighty Ducks” is an awesome title. Way better than its U.K. name: “Champions.” (Though, spoiler alert, the Ducks are definitely champions.)
Also, check out that awesome tagline.
But I think it’s because the movies taught us so many life lessons:
13. And real badasses don’t worry about gum-bumping germs.
15. And to live life without regrets (for the most part)…
16. Even Mr. Ducksworth had some words of wisdom.
17. The second movie taught us the Knuckle Puck.
The Knuckle Puck is when you flip the puck on its side and shoot it by hitting the face of the puck, causing a wild, hard-to-stop motion (at least in the movie).
18. And about the Icelandic climate…
19. Oh, and that many people from Iceland are totally evil.
21. “The Mighty Ducks” is also one of the only film franchises that had the courage to tell the truth about concussions: They’re hilarious!
22. The second and third movies featured the greatest bromance in history. Fulton Reed and Dean Portman: The Bash Brothers
23. Dean Portman could do more than just bash. He could get angry and destroy things.
24. And dance his ass off.
25. Plus Portman was part of the most amazingly implausible scene in sports movie history when he returned to the Ducks during the middle of the decisive final game in “D3.”
That final game also happened to decide whether or not the Ducks could stay at their fancy Eden Hall prep school. Because that’s how academic disputes are decided in this universe.
26. “D2” and “D3” also gave us a truly wonderful gift: more Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez.
Before Mike Vitar retired from acting and became a firefighter in L.A., he played Luis Mendoza in D2 and D3. But he will always be best remembered for his turn as the greatest baseball player who ever lived (sorry, Babe Ruth) in The Sandlot.
27. People sometimes talk trash about the third movie, but it even had an awesome heist movie-style scene where the team pranks the varsity at their high school…
28. Using FIRE ANTS.
Moral of the story: DO NOT GET INTO A PRANK WAR WITH THE DUCKS.
But Mighty Duck brilliance goes beyond just the movies. The trilogy has become part of our culture:
29. It’s probably the only movie series that inspired an actual professional sports franchise: The Anaheim Mighty Ducks.
When Disney sold the team in 2005, the new owners changed the name to the Anaheim Ducks. Jerks. What would Hans say?
30. The movies were so good that they inspired a sci-fi cartoon TV show about humanoid hockey-playing ducks.
It included chatacters with the names Captain Klegghorn, Phil Palmfeather, Lord Dragaunus, and Mallory McMallard.
31. The first movie featured a character that was based on Tumblr Founder and CEO David Karp as a child.
I suppose that the character name of the young Ducks prankster could have been based on another person named David Karp, but what are the chances that there are two people with the exact same name?