the award for outstanding achievement in using a phone
It’s about time someone gave you the proper credit you deserve for using a phone so well. And you look good doing it. You make it look easy. You’re a phone champion and now is your moment of glory.
the award for outstanding achievement in laziness
Maybe you’re a little lazy. Maybe you’re a lot lazy. But one thing remains undeniable: You’re good at it. You’ve won at being lazy and now is your moment of shining glory. You should reward yourself by doing nothing.
the award for outstanding achievement in eating
When it comes to eating, you are NAILING it. You’re good at putting food in that food hole and that’s a life skill everyone should have. This is your moment to shine, food eater. Nobody eats food like you. Nobody.
the award for outstanding achievement in watching TV
You’re one of those gifted people who can blast through an entire TV series in record time. Now it’s time for you to get praise you deserve for having that kind of amazing stamina. Your unparalleled love of TV will serve you for the rest of your life. Congratulations on all your hard TV-watching work.
the highly prestigious Barely Functional award!
Not everyone can be this barely functional. The minimal amount of functioning you’re doing is highly impressive and now is the time for you to be rewarded for just barely getting through the day. Nobody makes having a bad day look as cool as you do.
the award for outstanding achievement in being awesome
You’re a pioneer in the field of awesomeness. Not many people make it into the elite awesome level, in fact, you might be the only one. Now is the time for you to finally get the credit you deserve for being this awesome. So take a moment and shine in your own blinding rays of glory.