1. That security guard on a Segway seems to think he’s pretty hot stuff.
2. Don’t let the Segway go to your head, bro.
3. Holy crap, look at all those dorks waiting in that super long—
4. Oh. I have to wait in that line.
5. A lot of these people don’t seem to totally grasp the concept of a line.
6. Do I need to teach a seminar on how to wait in line?
7. Upgrade to first class? Yo, automated machine, do you think I’m a billionaire?
8. I’ve only been here 15 minutes and I already need a llama to carry my bags for me.
9. Ugh, the flight crew gets to cut the security line.
10. They think they’re so cool just because they have uniforms and perfect little rolling suitcases.
11. You think you’re better than me just because you know how to fly a plane?
12. What facial expression am I supposed to make when the TSA agent checks my ID photo?
13. Do I make eye contact? This is so intimate.
14. What nonsense did you just scribble on my boarding pass?
15. Do you even know what it means?
16. If these clowns move up juuuuust a little I could grab a plastic bin.
17. Why are you yelling?
18. Seriously, we heard you about the laptops the first 12 times.
19. Wow, a lot of these people really suck at putting their belongings into plastic bins.
20. And I’m walking in a public space without shoes on.
21. Oh, this guy thought he could get away without taking off his belt.
22. Not so fast, Hot-Shot McBelt.
23. Can I walk through now?
24. How about now?
25. Are they judging the contents of my bag right now?
26. Does my packing job look like a hot mess?
27. Can they see the wadded up ball of underwear?
28. Thank god that’s over.
29. How will I spend my next hour killing time in this mystical wonderland?
30. Should I find some food?
31. That looks gross.
32. That looks gross.
33. That looks gross.
34. Oh, look, an $18 sandwich.
35. There’s gotta be something better.
37. I’ve come crawling back for you, $18 sandwich.
38. Will this be the one and only time of the year I buy an actual print copy of a magazine?
40. And all the waiting area seats are taken.
41. There’s one.
42. Oh, it’s next to a super weird guy. Nevermind.
43. Do these people with their bags on the seats even have souls?
44. That child is going buck wild.
45. It doesn’t seem to belong to anyone.
46. This looks like the potential makings for Home Alone 2: Lost in New York all over again.
47. What do you mean overbooked?
48. Who’s running your airline?
49. A little kitten smoking a cigar and doing whatever the hell he wants?
50. Volunteer to take a later flight? Um, no.
51. What even is a “travel voucher”?
52. It doesn’t sound legit.
53. Limited overhead bin space?
54. Oh hell no.
55. I will take out these fools.
56. That bin space is mine.
57. That dude’s got like five personal items.
58. Do I have time to go to the bathroom?
59. No, we’ve reached the point of no return.
60. Are we boarding yet?
61. How about now?
62. How about now?
64. Well, well, well, must be nice to be a Premier Silver Star Platinum Elite Member.
65. All these people hovering by the gate need to chill the F out.
66. Call my zone.
67. Call my zone.
68. Call my zone.
69. THEY CALLED MY ZONE. SEE YA.
70. Sup, first class? Are you glad you got on the plane first so we could enjoy this awkward moment?
71. Seriously though, how hard it is to put your bag up?
72. That’s fine. Take all the time you need.
73. We’ll just be here. Standing, waiting, wishing, dreaming.
74. Oh, you’re finally done.
75. And no, that was a fake out.
76. THIS OVERHEAD BIN IS FULL OF COATS.
77. This is the EXACT thing they told you not to do.
78. I wonder who will sit next to me.
79. Please don’t be that weird guy.
80. Please don’t be that weird guy.
81. Oh my god.
82. It’s the weird guy.
83. If he starts talking to me I’ll pretend I’m dead.
84. Get away, this bin is full.
85. If anyone touches my bag they’re in for a murdering.
- 26 people, thought to be refugees and migrants, were discovered in the back of a truck in Austria. ›
- Thai police arrested a man alleged to have explosives in his possession, almost two weeks after a deadly bomb blast in Bangkok killed 20 people. ›
- Oliver Sacks, the famed neurologist and author, died Sunday from cancer. He was 82. ›