How To Make Lavender Shortbread And Be So Fancy

Let’s eat some flowers.

Lavender shortbread is surprisingly easy to make. Plus, you get to feel real fancy. “Care for a lavender shortbread?” you ask. “What is this, ‘Downton Abbey’?” reply all your friends just before their brains explode with fanciness.

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened to room-temperature
2 tablespoons dried lavender
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups flour
Purple food coloring (optional)

Special equipment
Food processor or blender
Cookie cutter or random cookie-shaped object

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It all started with this insane-looking photo on Pinterest.

[Record scratch sound] These cookies are PURPLE. Does putting lavender in cookies really turn them purple?

Turns out, no. It’s food coloring. But purple cookies still seem like a good idea.

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Ended up adapting this recipe.

Because it had fewer ingredients. Also, this is what lavender shortbread looks like when you don’t use food coloring.

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First: Find lavender.

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This may be the trickiest part. I basically had to go to an alchemist dungeon* (see above) to find it. I went with dried lavender but fresh is also acceptable.

As I made my way to the alchemist’s secret lair on a dark, rainy night, I asked myself “What are you doing? No one is going to care if these cookies taste like lavender.” But I pressed on in the name of fanciness.

The aged alchemist stepped from the shadows. “Yes, I can give you this lavender you speak of but first you must promise me your first-born child or suffer a terrible curse.” And I was like, fine, whatever, just give me the dried flowers.**

*Actually, a nice herb store called Flower Power in the East Village.

**This did not happen. I bough it from a nice lady using money.

Some grocery stores like Whole Foods and Fairway carry lavender.

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1. Add sugar and lavender to food processor.

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Chop until well mixed, about 30 seconds.

The original recipe called for 2 teaspoons of lavender. I used 2 tablespoons because YOLO.

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Will this look like you’re eating mothy gray plant particles?

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Surprisingly, no! I mean, it does now, but it won’t later.

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2. Combine butter and lavender-sugar.

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3. Add food coloring if you want to be out of control.

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I had to think back to grade school to be sure blue and red make purple. Food coloring that’s already purple is recommended for better results.

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Will this make it look like gray sludge?

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Kind of! But it’s fine.

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4. Add flour and stir with a fork until evenly mixed.

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5. Roll out dough on floured surface and cut some lil’ shortbreads out.

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I used the top of a blender as a cookie cutter. That yielded about two dozen cookies. Feel free to use a real cookie cutter if you think you’re better than this.

Roll dough to about 1/4 inch thickness, the thicker, the better.

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6. Bake for 15 minutes in 300 degree oven.

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If you let them get brown you’ll be drowning in a pool of regrets.

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7. Make sure you stack the finished product.

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If you don’t stack, it didn’t happen.

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