How To Win Any Argument

    Time to school some fools.

    Joanna Borns
    by Joanna Borns

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1.

    Shutterstock.com

    Make sure you have a clear, concise argument. Example: "You have a dumb face."

    2.

    Shutterstock.com

    Look right at their dumb face. It will signal you're listening to all the dumb things they say.

    3.

    Shutterstock.com

    Don't shy away from direct language. Example: "You have a very dumb face. One of the all-time dumbest."

    4.

    Shutterstock.com

    You don't have to yell to let someone know how dumb their face is.

    5.

    Shutterstock.com

    Is their face really dumb? Of course. You have nothing to worry about.

    6.

    Shutterstock.com

    Example: "You have a dumb face because:

    A. It looks dumb.

    And

    B. In the dictionary under the entry for 'dumb face' there's a picture of your dumb face."

    7.

    Shutterstock.com

    Examples:

    "Why is your face so dumb?"

    "Do you hear something? Because all I hear is the sound a dumb face makes."

    8.

    Shutterstock.com

    Just the sheer sight of such a dumb face is enough to make anyone lose their cool, but try not to.

    9.

    Shutterstock.com

    If your opponent claims to have a perfectly normal face, you don't have to agree (and why would you?!), but you should respect it.

    10.

    Shutterstock.com

    Consider other options. Your opponent's face could also be stupid, annoying or dog-like in appearance.

    11.

    Shutterstock.com

    So you can really understand all the stupid points their dumb face is trying to make.

    12.

    Shutterstock.com

    Draw a diagram if you have to.

    13.

    Shutterstock.com

    If you feel like you made a mistake by allowing yourself to be in the same room as a face so dumb, own up to it.

    14.

    Shutterstock.com

    Example: "I refuse to believe that anyone with a face that dumb could possibly make a valid point of any kind."

    15.

    Shutterstock.com

    Example: "If I had a dumb face, I'd be upset too."

    16.

    Shutterstock.com

    If old Dumb Face makes a good point, let 'em know.

    17.

    Shutterstock.com

    Try not to be so distracted by how dumb their face is that you don't actually hear a single dumb word they say.

    18.

    Shutterstock.com

    It's tempting to start bringing up unrelated things like how ugly their shoes are or how bad their taste in music is, but if you do that, your great point about their dumb face gets lost.

    19.

    Shutterstock.com

    If they say something confusing like, "Please stop attacking my appearance," simply ask their dumb face to explain further in terms you can understand.

    20. Flip a table.

    David Michalek / Via youtube.com

    Just to really ensure that you've won.